In my purple shoes

2011-03-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

Whee!

*Sploosh*

*glug*

The sort of refreshing feeling you get when you're first thrown into a big delicious swimming pool in the heat is indescribable. Companies try and simulate this feeling by producing splash astringents, people try and simulate it by splashing water on their faces in blistering heat or soporific hazes. But nobody can describe the real deal.

We're supposed to splash our lives into a new job that we love, a new hobby that moves us, a new aim that makes us want to leap out of bed each morning. It's all in with the new, they say. I've seen people buy so much new stuff over the last few days, it's scary. It almost leaves a sort of luxury to hand-me-down objects now, because they're not new. They're not the splash. They're the woody, heady smell of old books, of pages turned, of events past, washing over you and welcoming you into their pool of life. Prized family Watches and Family Heirlooms, for example. People try and simulate this feeling by buying antiques. But nobody can describe the real deal.

Another feeling I love is the one where familiarity re-visits you. Walking past college gates, drinking the same cup every morning, surviving hellish days to come home to your same old bed and fall asleep holding the same old soft pillow. Going back to that old haunt and getting your usual order. Wishing the same people good night every night before sleeping. The smell of a perfume you used for a prolonged period in your life. People try and simulate this by viewing old photo albums, establishing rules and routines, using the same stationery for years to come and reminiscing every chance they get. But nobody can describe the real deal.

What's better sometimes is familiarity's riddance. The Sigh of relief when your old engineering books have been given away, knowing you never have to study them. The relief you feel when you realise that old battles no longer exist. Saying good-bye to old, bigger sized clothing. Saying good-bye to abuse. People simulate this by spring cleaning, burning their bridges and celebrating smaller victories- last english exam, last physics exam. But nobody can describe the real deal.

I'd love to tell you what I believe splashing into love is like, opening old novels is like, a weekend with my old friends is like and saying goodbye to the demons of my past is like. I really would.
But I can't even begin to describe the real deal.

One year

2011-03-06T04:19:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you want a year to speed up, only to have the first six months slow down?

Things can change in 24 hours. Life can change in 24 hours. You can go from knowing that you're going to be wearing suede boots at the end of the year to realizing that you'll actually be wearing more sunscreen than anything else. You can go from having a very "this is what I want" life to a "Maybe this is better for me" life. The last few weeks have been like an egg- and only time (we're talking a decade, maybe?!) will tell if that egg turns out sunny side up or scrambled.

Somewhere along the line, I've become a big hypocrite. Yikes! I've written about leather in an Animal Planet diary. I've told people what's not negotiable when somewhere in my head, that could be proved wrong. I expected things to be different, what..a year ago, and they aren't. I thought I'd leave things behind, to find that things and people will leave me. I thought I'd have no time to even breathe, to having a year of time filling to do.

I'm going to miss so many people, things, events, past and situations over the next one year. EVERYTHING is going to change, and what's the thing I'm worst at? You got it, change.

I do have a plan, though. I always have a plan. It takes time, and it isn't always the best, but I have a plan.
I took this from silverstreak's blog.

No thinking. No analyzing. No time.

Let's hope it works:)

Animal Rights

2011-01-02T04:11:00.000-08:00

Every blogger worth her salt has a new year post, I've heard. I wonder why. What is it about new beginnings that everyone loves? Even people who have largely had a fantastic year (like yours truly) look forward to the new year. Why? I have no idea. There's just something about new. New represents even better, somehow.

So, 2010. Bongo wished me, saying "2010 is going to be hard to top for you". You've got that right. Largely, an EPIC year. I've always wanted to say that, you know- an EPIC year. And I've just said it. A lot of things I wanted DIDN'T happen. But a lot of things I've wanted to happen, are now atleast on their way to happening. I suppose a year full of meaningful beginnings is a great enough chunky bite off the creamy cheesecake of life. It gives me a lot to look forward to.

Reduced caffeine intake to 'do you even drink coffee/cola regularly?'. Lost weight and gained it back again, along with some confidence for the second try around. Planned, and executed. On my way to something I've wanted for four years. Wrote things I re-read and fell in love with myself for. Picked a career path, atleast in my head. Met new people. Re-understood the importance of the old. Let go of the past. Started reading again. Became a lot more refined in my ways. Mallshop. Kutti. Mentors. Tried some new things. Loved some new things.

There were some pitfalls, as well. I've learnt that sometimes, you ask for forgiveness not because you've done the wrong thing, but because you haven't gone about the right things in the right way. Sometimes you don't want to hurt anyone, and you still do. Sometimes it isn't your fault and all you can do is hope.

Also, one of the nicest celebrations ever on friday- big shout out to all the people who came around to make it happen! Do I have any idea where I will be for new years in 2011-2012? Nada. Do I love that fact? Yes. Uncertain and loving it. All the more reason to truly cherish new years this time.

Also, you must listen to this and tap your feet and dance. I did for hours. My feet still feel like iron nails are in them, but, boy, do I feel good. Happy new year, everyone. Let's keep up the good work!

December

2010-12-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

What is it about december that makes me behave like a loonatic? I have no idea. December is a great month. Why? Because if your year was spectacular, you can look back on it in sappy, emotional hope that the next will follow suit. (Hey, one CAN hope). If it was crap, you can hope that the next year will be better. The ending and the beginning. Whatever you want it to be. Besides, christmas is always associated with two very important things: sweet stuff and acceptable weight gain. Somehow.

Where I live, there's no snow, no over-the-top christmas celebration and no thanksgiving shopping season. I know, what is the world without these things?! But there's still the 'jolly'. You can choose to believe me when I say that the best kind of christmas is either:

1) One where you have NO idea where your next christmas is going to be.
2) One where you know EXACTLY where your next christmas is going to be.

In other news, things have been looking up a lot this year, so that's been good. I've a decent amount of stuff to look forward to. As always, i've only two resolutions for all the impending new-ness: losing weight and cribbing less. Really, with these two sorted I think I'm well on the way to slowly becoming a perfect person! *Sheesh. I think I need to add modesty somewhere.*

Happy holidays!

2010-10-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

There are only two conclusions I've made recently- either I'm weird, or people are confused. I think it's the former, really. Many people say I'm one of the most mature people they've ever met. Apparently they can hear maturity in my voice. *Thank you for that:)*. Many people who know me well say I'm a child inside and outside and in every bit of my voice and I'll never grow up.
I'll admit, I'm petrified that they could be right.

See, I love being a baby. Thinking about the future, about what I want to do or be was always reserved for my wildest dreams, my ambitious spurts, my If only. I thought about it all the time. I dreamt about things all the time.
But I never imagined them happening and I probably never really worked for them.

I'll say that this year has changed me in ways that I can't understand and kept me the same in ways I'm surprised about. For one, I've been subjected to experiences that really got me introspecting beyond what I wanted to do next month or what I felt like eating that day. I can't really elaborate. :P. For another, people around me have unexpectedly played a scarily huge role in promoting me to first standard mentally, I suppose.

Thank you, mom and dad, for scaring me into taking baby...no...giant steps towards doing something I've always wanted to do. Thank you, poky for dealing with me when I was shit-scared. Thank you, Pma and Bgu for not questioning my ridiculous childish behaviour once in a while.Thank you, AnA for the sweets and eye-cream. :) Thank you, so many other people that this list is too long, for not hating the fact that I'm probably changing.

Thank you, MallShop for practically holding my hand and teaching me how to walk in this matter. And dealing with my cranky crybaby wails when I have to face the fact that I've to first get up in order to walk. Thank you for making me feel like you'll continue to hold that bicycle when I learn how to balance even though I won't need it. Thank you for being a good baby-sitter.:)

You know what they say, children and dogs are incredibly loyal.

2010-09-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

We spend most of our lives either hating change or desperately wanting it. I'd always been extremely averse to change until I realised that the good kind of change was happening to a lot of people around me. Then I became obsessed with change. I wanted it, scouted it, so badly wanted those good change event-type things to happen to my life.

Now I'm growing up and I realise that sometimes I don't get to decide. It was never really about whether I wanted change or not.

It's about whether I need change. And how I deal with it when it comes.
*wise grin*

New, re-vamped and

2010-08-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

moved.

We've moved! You may not have noticed, but I'm now @ doodlescrawl.com. That's right. Blogspot has and still is a great host, but there's something about having your own .com that makes you happy and thrilled and want to write a blog post again, even if writer's block (no, it is NOT an excuse) is killing you when you can't afford to let it. I never thought i'd have my own .com. So, doodlescrawl.com is pretty cool. Expect a lot of blog re-vamping in the near future. I say near future because I genuinely cannot put a date to anything anymore.

I feel like this is going to be a meeting-post. You know, like a meeting agenda. Wow, I sure have grown up. But really, it could be a nice value-add. DID I just type "value-add"? Ho, hum. We're grown up already. Going along with the meeting post babble, recognitions are in order. Courtesy pagalboy, this blog is going to have much more re-vamping, and it already has. *applause*. I would also like to thank monster for fixing up this comp, it has been a treacherous few years. And rat, who kept it going for almost four years so far. :)

Announcements are also in order - I suppose, to maintain anonymity (the restrictions I place on myself! Not fun) I shall just say that things are and have picked up. Lots to do over the next few months, it shall all be very eventful, i'm assuming. It's going to be a nice long trek, and hopefully the weather will be good most of the way the the view from the top will be beyond worth it.

Also, feedback. None of my friends are blogging anymore. Does this mean work has consumed everyone's lives? Does this mean blogging isn't permanent? I'm experiencing major not-being-able-to-read-regular-post syndrome. The temporary cure is to finding new blogs to read, but in all truth those are just rebounds. *wink*

For the occasion

2010-07-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

There's a dress or an item for every occasion, I've heard. Some people don't necessarily go by these formalities, like me, but some, apparently, do. There's a dress for every first interview. The "What a killer-impression" outfit. A dress for every first date. An outfit for "Let's impress the parents". Specific shoes for a breal-up. A wine for different dinners, something for the home or home-made food for a house-warming. Some things even have different meanings in different cultures, like flowers for a wedding and for a funeral.

To be honest, I'm not really a flower person. They look prettier in bushes and pots and whatever else they grow in, really, even though I have, on occasion, thought that flowers wrapped in paper and injected with fake blue ink (those orchids you get in every road corner in bangalore, sometimes) were nice looking, but overall, I'm a more "useful-meaningful-this reminds me of something" gift person. I have liked two flowers though- Lilies and Gerberas. I had to google that to even know what that's spelt like.

Sometimes, you change. If someone had told me this much would change in 2010, I'd have laughed at them six months ago. But, life can creep up on you and tickle you and make you jump, even. Suddenly you're making decisions you couldn't even dream of making. Suddenly lilies start looking prettier. Suddenly you buy items for no occasion that don't go with anything, because you've dreamt up occasions in your own head. Suddenly you're happy when you thought you wouldn't be, sad when you shouldn't. Suddenly you have crazy conversations with friends about growing up and ruin it all with some really bad joke about some boy and a girl, like always.

Suddenly you write a blog post that makes no sense to anyone, simply because it's an account of how things are changing, things can change. Random as they may be. Suddenly you're wondering if you're dressed right for an occasion, acting right, doing the right things. Yeah. We all sail on the same ship, only to find pirates one time or another.
Only to realise that what we've heard could be right all along.

What you know, I now know

2010-05-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

Probably the most impulsive post I'm ever going to post.
But, a realization that everyone's already been through.
When you like doing something,
You'll do it.
No matter what.
Even if you don't have full ownership, even if you don't have time, even if you don't have money or contacts or full reasons or support or a guarantee or whatever- regardless, in some small way, you'll do it. In your own teeny way that makes you happy.
Question: Does how much you like it go away when you do it full-time? Do you get tired of it? Or does it grow and consume you with how much you love it?

Only doing what you love, will tell.

2010-04-07T11:39:00.000-07:00

For some people, there comes a day when they can't wait to get out of bed. When sleep evades them, when their blood is too busy boiling and gushing, when they'd rather not sleep. When they feel like they just ran a mile in the wind and then showered in a spring somewhere and STILL have enough energy to go on one more walk, because they simply must. Because they just feel like it, because they want to. Nothing wrong matters, everything can be fixed, everything's ok, everything's either a lesson learnt or a lesson in the making, because somewhere, somehow, their minds are at the peaceful gates of satisfaction with everything that's gone wrong, everything they've learnt, everything they've put right because they realise they have the power to do so, and everything they're going to do right and love from now on.

It swells, and it's swell, and it's called Passion for Living. I know I have it somewhere inside me, and I can't wait for it to spring out one day, and run many miles and take you with me.

Afterglow

2010-03-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

It is in these moments that I miss you the most. The grey between the black and white, the wind between sunshine and rain. The empty gaps between the curtains, the minutes between the hours and the times I see things that remind me of you everywhere. The walking sticks I see, the dogs that chase people, the trees that shed yellow leaves. The boxes of candy, the carpeted floors and the smell of old books.

You're there, in every bookshelf, every page of every magazine, every chipped fingernail, every time I glance up at myself in these mirrors. I can smell the smell of your washed ironed clothes every time I walk into your room, I can breathe your conscience in every time I step out of my comfort zone. In every page I turn, in every smile I fake. In every bold decision I make.

Ever since you left me many months ago, I've missed you, but I've also seen and felt you everywhere. You pierce through the thoughts in my head, you pray with me beside my bed, you hold my shoulders straight when I face the world. You push me along when I can't move, you hold me back when inertia doesn't take over. I'm looking at myself now and I can see you looking back at me.

Ever since you left, I've been wondering whom to go to about all these questions I have. My eternal google. Today JJ asked me about scripture and I wished you were around even more. I have so many questions. SO MANY, that only you can answer them. Ever since you left, I've been adding more milk to my coffee, more sugar to my life, and stirring much faster. I'm facing the world, because of you. I'm a better person because of you. I still believe in things, because of you. I won't change a thing, because of you. I'm living in your afterglow.

What they teach me

2010-03-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

And yes, I learn best from people. I used to think it was books I like to read, but the books I like reading are people, really. The authors behind their stories. The people in my life. What they all teach me.

I don't know why but it's all coming back to me now, everything everyone's ever said to me. The things I believe in are all pieces of light and dark. Contributed by everyone I've ever met. Documented only in my current personality, exhibiting influence only in the things I do and feel. If you know me, know that at some point, you've taught me something.

Always believe things to be good, until you find them to be contrary.

Shit happens.

Fear nothing, because honestly woman, nothing really fears you.

That belief is what helps me figure out the difference between right and wrong.

Passionate people will never be happy with anything that isn't them.

Always give people one chance.

Shut up and eat! (my personal favourite)

Maybe we shouldn't over-analyse everything.

Maybe we're not supposed to understand.

You should always experiment.

Tree-man, and about how I should be glad I even have feet.

Slow down once in a while.

You're allowed to have days where you do absolutely nothing.

No feeling is a hundred percent; that can only be a good thing.

Always be positive.

There's nothing a good watch can't cure.

You will change completely every five years, no matter what.

A whole load of things about education.

Top three things to avoid: Cranky, sappy and crappy.

First think about what you have to do, not how you're going to do it.

Love exists.

Everything is perspective.

Everything is an illusion.

You can't sit down and think about what you want. You either already know or don't.

Marketing and Sales in life: Lesson One

2010-03-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

I know nothing about marketing and Sales, but I'd love for my career to have everything to do with them, someday. I've been reading a lot, and most people have one thing to say about marketing- it is ubiquitous. You can look for snippets of marketing, everywhere, and apply things you've read, heard and learnt to daily life.

Presenting, my very own, Lesson One.

DISCLAIMER: This WILL disgust you. Don't say I didn't warn you. But it's a big, weird world out there and I write about the real world, more or less, so, brace yourself.

Let's begin.

Situation: Seven of us decide to watch the noon show of the movie "Nine" in a well-known multiplex. A Whopping THREE people cannot make it, even after the tickets are bought. If you must know, Reason: Illness, doing it's city rounds.

Ideal solution: Let's sell the remaining three tickets somehow!

Pitfalls:
- People would rather watch some other movie.
- Most people already have tickets.
- One person who did want to buy a ticket wasn't happy with back row seats.
- We got close to stalking people. Boundaries were mentally re-drawn.
- If you didn't know this already, being a salesperson is hard. Firstly, no one really wants to hear you out, and secondly, "No" is almost always the answer.

First thoughts: Our first thoughts were that we needed to get our demographic right. We targeted couples, groups of girls, groups in threes, people who looked likely to watch a movie like Nine. I really don't want to get into the details of this. We actually thought we were "Understanding our Demographic".

Shocking Revelations: It turns out, our first ticket was sold to just one person who'd come alone to watch the movie. One guy. "Hmm", we thought. Single people?

The "But of course" moment: Wham! Guys had turned up solo to watch the movie Nine, what with it's all-star gorgeous, seductive looking women cast. We didn't think that was the case, but were shocked to discover that this indeed was. Ah well, shock or no shock, it's time to move to the next step.

CAPITALIZE: And that, indeed, is what some of my friends did only too well. Changed our understanding of our "demographic". Capitalized on our new understanding.

End Result: We sold all three tickets, to three total strangers, each of whom had come to watch the movie alone, all three being men. 1+ 1 + 1.
Hallelujah.

Lesson learnt: When in doubt, reconsider your demographic. Always get your true demographic right.

Ta-da!

We're in it to win it!

2010-03-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

Aren't these pretty? Yes, I know what you're thinking.

And not just hot mums- EVERYONE could sure use a diamond. I don't exactly believe that they're girls' best friends, but diamonds are the embodiment of all that is awesome- in shiny, gleaming, sparkling stone. They look good, are worth a lot anywhere and either make you or any woman in your life feel like a million bucks.

You can pick up these gorgeous pieces at LuShae Jewelry. Or, if you're like me (you really don't have a platinum credit card YET) you can enter the LuShae $5000 blogger sweepstakes!

I don't usually endorse these things but this, according to me, is the easiest entry process EVER. Two steps. One minute, tops. And you could either win $5000 to spend anywhere, or $200. This happens every month! And if you're really looking to pick up something, just entering the sweepstakes gives you a neat 15% off on the entire range.

Whew. When we're talking diamonds, that's a lot of money saved.

So go on, enter the sweepstakes! I did. Just click on the sweepstakes link- You've nothing to lose. If you win something, we can both go celebrate (ahem.)

The stage

2010-02-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

I'm not what you'd typically call the die-hard Shakespeare fan. I barely know his work, although that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to. But here are a few lines I've always liked. Sure, they're quoted all over the place. But they're simple and not to mention, true, if you really think about it.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Theatre will always be something that I love for many reasons- but one of the main ones is that it mimics life in an unbelievable way. It's far more challenging than a movie, if you ask me- there are no re-takes in theatre. Just like there aren't re-takes in life. Theatre cuts out the fluff- good plays usually have people who can act, and I mean REALLY act. Sets and lighting and music suddenly seem to matter so much more. Dialogue takes central focus in theatre- while a lot of people have forgotten what a screenplay really is. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. Film-makers are artists as much as anyone. But theatre..will always be theatre. It'll always have that edge. That's where it all begins and ends.

This was a good friday night. I might be totally different from a lot of people, but I'm going to say it- I'll very gladly and happily watch a play, every friday night, for the rest of my life and be thrilled about it. Really.

Besides, there's always saturday for the other stuff.

That feb 14th post

2010-02-14T09:26:00.000-08:00

Surprise, surprise. I'm actually writing a Valentine's day post! Will wonders never cease?! No, this is not about "Love in the air" getting to me. Surprisingly, this day has been less in-my-face this year, and I'm happy for that. I guess a lot of people feel the same way- it's badly over-hyped. But, love is love, and it should be respected and celebrated and written about, even, and hence, my two cents.

We've all ( or hopefully will) loved people, different kinds of people. In all of that, sometimes I feel like loving ourselves is, in fact, the more challenging thing to do. It isn't easy, you know, being annoyed or angry with yourself, when you mess up. Who will you take it out on? Hmm. Exactly.

A lot of people tell me that they love themselves, well and truly. I don't think I really buy that. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. A lot of people have also told me in sheer confidence that they really hate themselves sometimes. So what am I to conclude, really? With all of that and personal experience (ahem!), I think that sometimes you really love yourself, and I mean REALLY love yourself. When you get a new snazzy haircut, or sometimes when you look in the mirror, when you do silly things that only you can do, when you do great things, when you do things you love, when you're with people you love. But there are times when you
hate yourself, I know I do. Everytime I mess up, everytime I fall short of my own expectations. The "What was I thinking" feeling. The "Why am I like this" feeling.
It's the ultimate love-hate relationship, what I have with me. I dig me and I'm my own biggest critic. Maybe you're like that, too.

So what can people like me do? Try and love ourselves a lot more than we hate ourselves, for starters. I don't make formal resolutions, ever, but this is one of the things I've always wanted to work at. It's easy to love yourself for the amazing things that make you you. It's a lot harder to love yourself for the flaws, the creases, the wrinkles, the pimples and the mistakes you've made. But those are the things that really make us human, the fact that all our awesomeness can be wrong, so VERY wrong, sometimes.

Happy Valentine's day, everyone! I'm going to try and cut myself some slack a lot more from now on. You should, too. That means a lot more to me than pink, red, heart-shaped anything and candy ever will. Wait a minute- actually, I'm a fan of candy any day of the year.

one two, Change

2010-02-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

Somewhere between my second elneer and that bar of twix, I realised that I've changed.

What are we, really?
Are we what we like? Who we like? What we don't like?
Worse, who we don't like?

If you knew me well enough many years ago, I can easily tell you that you probably don't know me at all now. No offense, though. It only means that you can make a whole new friend without being judged. It's true, really.

Because I'm changing at lightspeed, and no one can keep up with that, not even me.

I used to think that I know what's good for me. Clearly, that is one of my biggest *ahem* flaws. *more ahem*. yes, I have flaws and so do you. You think that twenty-something years of existence would've taught you better, but here are some very conflicting things that I'm starting to discover- We change, rapidly and frequently. We also, essentially, stay the same. I know you read that again and went- Let's get off this nutcase's blog. But, it's true. So what determines what changes and what doesn't? Genes? Probably. Upbringing? Probably. Friends? Maybe. Who knows? Uh-huh.

Which would explain why I'm starting to glug down elneer like my entire family always does, why biscuit-chocolate combinations are my family's favourite, why we all love candy. Which would explain why the smell of home cooking on the streets of India is something I'll never get sick of. Which explains why my friends know that even though I probably hate purple now and love army-tank green, buying me blue or black is a relatively safe bet.
Which is why I'll never appreciate all kinds of perfume. And never bother looking at page-3 photographs unless I know someone I know is in them. And go to sleep late everyday knowing that I should sleep earlier.

Which is why, I don't think i'll ever know what's really good for me and what isn't.

Which is why I'll keep writing these senseless bitlets of pointless information just so moonlight will find its way into my room.

The weather changes really fast in the tropics, they say. You'd better keep up.

Rolling

2010-01-09T05:56:00.001-08:00

Stutter, Sputter. That morning cup of milk. Hurried gulps and buttons pressed. Thumb Impressions. Songs I hear everyday. To wash out the other sounds. Bite me, on the way. And yes, I'm still going to need coffee. Sputter, sputter. Blinding lights. That's what air looks like on the outside. Shampoo, rains, drains and musk all rolled into one. Passively, but only for now. Excitement in the air. That you just can't catch. Is someone watching? Doesn't matter. Messages. Interruptions. Interruptions. White electronic canvas. No watch. No time. Fast forward. Faster. Beeps. Sunshine. Stark contrast. Musty. Ladles and spoons. Smile. Clank. Why did I say that? Rethink. Analyse. Assess till my mind hurts. You really should smile all the time. and What is that smell? Never leaves. Tic tac toe. breathmint. Chills. hot air. Wash, dry, sanitize. Serve. One line. Too unpredictable. WHY? Can't stop. Cookies. Cream. Sugar. Yesterday. The corner of the fridge. Around the corner. Upstairs, downstairs. Not good enough. Tick, tock. it's all relative. jealousy. Black and white. The smell-whiff mix. Why, why.
hours. days. minutes. not years. last chance. first. no. your way. if you leave. cackle, cackle. Ringing peals of laughter. efficiency. Try. Why try. Differences between surprises and shocks. Realizations. suppressed. Opinionated. Who isn't? Bothered. Who is? Fading lights. Was this supposed to happen? starlights and smoke and haze and wind and light. Lightspeed. Three. Two. One. Reality check. And that, too, will fade. but that, shouldn't. Waiting in line. Where's the exit sign? Stand up. Shut up. Rewind.

The christmas post

2009-12-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

There's something about Christmas which I love. I can't put my finger on it, and we don't celebrate it, so it's not like I have family celebrations or gifts or anything. But, Christmas is not just a festivity- I think it's a feeling. You have to hand it to the people of yore- they certainly picked a really good time for Christmas. Or was the calendar based on this day? Ah, well, nevermind. The point being that end-of-the-year festivities are what bring about that "cheer" that everyone talks about. Christmas, followed by what atleast feels like christmas holidays followed by the new year. Two 3-day weekends in a row. Ah. I feel good.

So, what am I doing these three GLORIOUS holidays? I don't really know. But, that's kind of the beauty of it. For starters, I slept in, and I mean, really really slept in, because I've just napped for eleven hours. Yes. ELEVEN. Boy, does that feel good. Sleep really is phenomenal. See, that's the thing about this season, you appreciate simple yet essential things, like sleep, food, and people.

I'm also going to learn how to make chocolate fudge today from friends (Hey, it is christmas day, right? This day calls for goodies.) Tomorrow I'm going to watch 3 Idiots. And I didn't even have to plan anything! Oh, how I love it when others do the planning. This is sweet. I didn't get to go to a christmas party, but I am going for a party tomorrow, and it feels like a christmas party. So, I'm happy.

Also, I love carols and here is one of my favourite carols, mainly because it's usually sung very fast and is really zippy and peppy and all that.

This is Christmas season
so there isn't any reason
we can't dance the Christmas polka

Hear sleighbells ringing
everybody's singing
dancing the Christmas polka

Christmas trees and holly
make everyone so jolly
and love just fills the air

It's a wonderful world
for a boy and a girl
while dancing the Christmas polka

Have an amazing holiday season, folks.

All hail John Mayer

2009-11-28T03:13:00.000-08:00

Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Bigger Belief

2009-11-27T08:37:00.001-08:00

Irrational Belief can be a strange thing. I was first exposed to it in college, no, wait, first exposed to it when I was an infant, when I started believing in god. Why? Because mummy and daddy believe in god. Parents fold their children's hands in prayer, tell them to close their eyes, tell them to pray. Why? Because children don't know any better? Because that's the best way? Because that's the easiest way?
or because that's the accepted way?

Either way, that was my first irrational belief. No proof, no questions asked. God was everywhere, almighty, powerful. God was perennial Indian Santa- he always knew if you were good or bad. God, in that way was he and she, child and adult, good and bad karma- all rolled into one magnificent mural of wonderment and power. God was synonymous with destiny and fate. Praying to him was like praying to yourself, asking for you to find the strength to do the things you wanted to do, and let's face it, it's easier, at that age, to ask someone else for things than yourself. Right? Right.

This went on for a while, until life made me refine that belief. I don't believe in idol-worship, I think organized religion tends to lose its purpose, I don't believe that there is just one way to pray or one place to pray. I know I've prayed my lungs out in bathrooms, bed, at window sills and a LOT in moving vehicles. I hope when I climb stairs. I dream when I walk.
I wish when I sit. It's all the time. I wouldn't exist if I didn't believe that good things have a place in our lives.

But after college, I've started to believe in irrational belief not just because I'm used to it, but because I've actually seen it work. I've to thank a lot of people for this, but for all her never-say-die category effort, this is because of you, Silverstreak. There have been times when I've irrationally believed something to be possible. With absolutely no pointers, not even a breeze blowing in that direction.

When every little thing tells me it's the other thing, I've believed because I've wanted it. Truly, truly wanted it. And I've got it, too. How, you ask? hey, if I knew, I wouldn't just be writing a blog post, I'd be writing a book.

So yes, contrary to my previous ranting posts, I'm not stopping. Not now, anyway.

Everything happens for a reason, people say. Well, I've reasons to believe that everything happens. It has to. Not because of what I've done to deserve it, but because of the belief in what I will do, once I get it.

My yin-yang

2009-11-22T04:25:00.000-08:00

If you've never heard of the yin-yang, it is a symbol in chinese philosophy, that represents opposing forces being interconnected. The good and the bad, for example. The good's got a little bit of bad in it, and the bad's got a little bit of good. I've always liked this symbol; I even bought a Yin-Yang pendant almost a decade ago and wore it religiously.

I found an english equivalent to the Yin-Yang today, and that's Distraction. Distraction is a perfect blend of good and evil. Most people make distraction out to be something that's to be avoided at all costs- it takes away focus, stops you from concentrating, changes your priorities, yadda yadda yadda. Well, guess what? Distraction can be evil. It can mess you up, and this is something almost everyone has been exposed to.
But distraction can be a fabulous thing.

I guess that's the thing with bloggers..sometimes we write just to forget other things. It's not always about encapsulating our realities for the rest of the world- sometimes, it's about escaping them. I've always written most before exams, when I've been upset, moody, worried, scared, and sometimes, too happy to handle. Blogging is the BEST form of procrastination, and the worst. Best because it makes you feel fantastic. Worst because you've proof of your procrastination, up on the internet, for the world to see.

Hmm, what shall I write about? I don't quite know how to pronounce 'oeuvre' yet. I've tried, several times, looked at audio and IPA pronunciations, and, to no avail. I should be cooking dinner right now, but I'm contemplating making do with soup. Laziness is every sunday's middle name, I suppose. I played wii tennis to feel better, but this random hitting of keys is actually doing a better job. I feel distracted enough already. Calm. Breathing. Whew.

And, will you look at that. When I started this, I didn't know what I'd type about to get my mind off things, and now I've got a post way longer than intended (as usual, as always, for always). Some people tell me that the stuff I write is too long, and I agree with them. But when these keys feel this good to type on, you can't really stop very easily. Momentum takes a while to fizzle out.

Now that I'm feeling better, I'm going back to the real world. A world where I've no keys all the time, where a white screen isn't my canvas and where my mind isn't on a free-fall-spree, but a world I love anyway, because all of writing is a part of the world, and all of the world is a part of writing.

For thatha

2009-11-15T06:27:00.000-08:00

10/05/09

It all goes so far back that I don't know where to begin. There are long flashes, of course, of happy memories, of incidents. But I guess that's how you know someone's left their impact on you well and truly- you get this feeling when you think about them. It's a constant, fuzzy feeling, one that transcends events and memories. You feel like if they're around, you can handle anything, battle anything.
And that's how I felt about thatha.

Thatha was my grandfather, although it'd be impossible to condense everything he was in just that one word. He taught me things and he learnt things from me. At times he'd tell me what was good for me, and at times, he'd have to hear it. Happiest when I was happy, most upset when I was. My best friend, my mentor, my coach, my human diary, all rolled into one. He understood me and my strengths, and refused to let me think that I had weaknesses.

He played multiple roles with ease- dad, buddy, teacher. I had to remind myself of the fact that he was so much older than I was, because it really didn't seem so. You see, my thatha was way cool. He was very active, and so he'd go for a walk twice in the day- mornings and evenings. He'd put on these amazing sunglasses, a cap, and sparkling sneakers and practically sprint. We'd have these races when I was small, and you know what? He won, most of the time. And believe me, i tried. He was fast. That's what was so amazing about him- he wouldn't try and go slowly just so I'd win. He wouldn't turn any odds in my favour- simply because he didn't think that I needed that. He believed that I already had what it takes, and I didn't need handicap points- and that only made winning those races truly worth it- because I knew that I'd truly won.

It's easier to buy you your first watch than to teach you to tell the time, and thatha did both. It's easier to buy you your first bike than to teach you to ride it, and thatha did both. It's easier to give you money than to teach you how to handle it, and thatha did both. I really don't know how, but he managed to find time to be actively involved in the lives of people around him. He was a an amazing orator- Barack Obama, you have company. Storytelling was his forte. He'd truly seen life, through years of unbelievable hardship, and he had amazing anecdotes every single time- all filled with so many unbelievable events that I'd keep telling him that he had enough experiences for a book. I guess I got my love for writing from him- he wrote diaries like I did, fiercely guarded them like I did, believed in simple writing- just like I do.

Incredibly open-minded for his generation, thatha was the quintessential post-independence indian- both british and indian in his ways. Unbelievably comfortable in english, tea-drinking, and cricket loving. I could write a whole post on his love for cricket. If india won, he'd bring the house down in joy. Sachin tendulkar could not have had a bigger fan.

He had an amazing outlook towards education, being self educated and well read. It was lifelong and of primary importance, he'd say. He was scholarly, and knew more about indian scripture than most people- and he'd never try to persuade us to follow it like he did. No questions asked, and I was always given the benefit of the doubt. "Am I right?", he'd ask, after practically every thing he'd say to me. No one else has ever taught me things that way- and I've learnt best from him. I can't remember a single instance where he even firmly spoke to me, let alone shouted or scolded. He taught me by sheer example. It was his je ne sais quoi. I learnt what mutual love and respect means, because of him. I wasn't just his granddaughter for him to mould and grow with- I was his confidante, his buddy. Thanks to him, I know what it's like to be the apple of someone's eye. We were each other's biggest fan.

To the man who defended me always, to the man who taught me how to fail, how to cry, how to walk, how to smile. To the man who taught me about faith. To the man who's taught me to believe in myself. To the man who believed in me more than I believe in myself. To the man who taught me almost everything I know, and made me what I am, today. To the man who has celebrated my happiness like no one else ever has. To the man who practically picked me up when I'd fallen down in life, not knowing how to get up. To the man who taught me how to pick myself up when he wasn't there. To alpenliebe's biggest fan. To the first person I'd tell good news to. Good news just isn't the same without him.

To one of the finest father figures ever. To the man who has seen all my light, and still loved my dark.

To the man who taught me to never run away from expressing myself, I sure hope heaven has amazing internet, thatha, because this, is for you.

Lunch date

2009-11-08T04:37:00.000-08:00

I wish this was about me (actually, maybe not). It isn't.

So, today, I went out for lunch. With friends from college and it was great, but that's not what this is about. The weirdest thing happened today.

At the table next to us, there was a boy and a girl, both seemed to be in their mid twenties, and the girl looked very familiar. Both were quite good looking and it even seemed like they'd look together. For some reason, it seemed like they were on a lunch date.

I've seen a LOT of people on dinner dates, and I'll tell you how it normally goes. At dinner dates, people tend to sit next to each other rather than across the table from each other. They're usually whispering and drinking and being obviously in love. They're usually dressed up and flirty.

At lunch dates, I don't know how it goes. But these two people were both dressed normally, casual, even. They were sitting across the table, and it seemed to me like they were either meeting after very long, or for the first time. Heck, it seemed like they were meeting for arranged marriage purposes.

I'd always had such a negative opinion of that, but today, it didn't seem bad at all. It seemed FUN! They were talking, a lot, and really well! From what I saw (Ok, so I listened in a lot. I know it's creepy, but it was a really interesting thing to see- a lot of us couldn't help ourselves). They were talking about their interests, just getting to know each other, and it didn't seem like anything was weird or awkward. It just seemed like honest, relaxed conversation. The kind you have with a perfect stranger, and walk away knowing each other.

I was impressed. I don't know why, but it made me very happy to see a simple, basic date go so well for two people, in this weird, complicated world. Now if that wasn't a date, well, those two are going to be / already are really great friends.

I hope they never read this.

My shortest post ever.

2009-11-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

*Rant alert*

You know the eternal truth about life? Well, I, all of twenty-two years of age and experience, have finally, finally figured it out. It was, indeed, a very kumbayaah moment. Here it is:

the most important things never go according to plan.

Go on, life!! If I'm wrong, go on and prove me wrong! I'd love that.

I have tried being positive, I really have. Now it seems about time for Plan B. Hmm, where did I put that punching bag?

Firecracker

2009-10-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like a firecracker. Now, now, I may be going too far with this, but I've been thinking a lot, this weekend, and MOST of it is rather unrealistic. But I figured, If I actually put those thoughts down, It'll all become more real, and then I have nothing else to do but follow the green signal.

Ready, set

Is it because of Diwali? There are firecrackers bursting all around me. They're all bits and pieces of things, really, put together in a fashion that allows them to shoot up and burst into splendour right in front of your eyes. In big, spectacular fashion. In a way that cannot be ignored.

I have all those bits and pieces in me, I always have. But right now, I'm no more Miss purple shoes with bits and pieces in them, wandering about life. I have a plan. My plan is to take those bits and pieces, and find a way to shoot them straight out. It will be painful, it will be confusing, it might make me go on hiatus or it might make me blog so much more because that might be the only way I will handle it. It might be impossible, even, but all I can think about are those big, colourful lights.

Because in the end, I will burst into a a wonder, and for a little while, you can't help but look at the sky, you will notice and then, hopefully, I'll have a LOT more to blog about.

Go!

Blog Action Day 2009 - What WE can do

2009-10-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

Blog Action Day 09 is finally here. If you don't know about it yet, I really think you should check out their website. It's a fantastic event that is clearly organized by fantastic people- and I think they all deserve a big thumbs up, a massive round of applause, and whatever else you can give them. But what they really want is a world-wide conversation, one that brings about change better than superman, and one that finally makes our planet a better place to live in.

How amazingly selfless is that? These guys want us to do something that will hopefully create awareness and ultimately benefit us all. Although I have no clue what I should write about, I'm definitely going to give it a shot- for it's the LEAST I can do, don't you think?

I've been trying to read up on a lot of things for this post, and the only conclusion is that there's WAY too much about the environment that I don't know yet. There's SO much that will be affected by it, and I'm learning a lot. But I'm going to leave the advice and the well-crafted posts to the experts, because they truly know their stuff. But here's my take on things people like YOU and ME can do. We don't know all that much about what works, what doesn't, and we don't have the resources or the finances to truly bring about world-wide change. But we can do our part, and hopefully, influence others to do theirs, too.

Over the years, I've come to understand that there are millions and millions of people on this planet, and that's a force to reckon with. I mean, come on, peeps! We can fix space stations and make amazing discoveries and build supercomputers, but we can't do enough house-keeping for this planet we've been given?! It's time to pull up or socks, grow up and behave like we actually HAVE the brains we're famed for, don't you think?

There are some basic, simple things we can all do to make things better for the people who are actually trying to make GREAT things happen. These things don't involve money or resources or even too much time. They're all common sense, and most of them come under good old decent behaviour. Here's what WE can do, starting RIGHT NOW:

1) NOT LITTER.
And, not argue about it.
I've spent hours arguing with people about how it doesn't really create jobs, how some street corners and gutters are meant for garbage, and how there aren't dustbins everywhere. I think people should save their breath and just not litter, instead. It's just plain decency. Here's what some people think- "I don't own the street corner or the gutter, so why can't I throw it there?". Public ownership should matter to you just as much as private ownership. People don't litter in their own houses, do they? Eventually, they clean it up. Save yourself that time, and look for a dustbin next time. Until then, roll it up neatly and keep it with you till you can throw it. It won't kill you, places will look cleaner, smell bettter and fewer germs will breed. This goes DOUBLE for many Indians- you litter, and then talk about how amazing singapore looks. Hypocrisy isn't smart.
And there are a million things to be done- if there is no litter, people who clean it up can be utilised for more important civic work.

2) TURN OFF APPLIANCES AND SWITCHES and TAPS that YOU DON'T USE.
This is simple enough. Use power save. Does it bother you when other people clog up your LAN? Well, think of using power you don't need as clogging up the earth's limited internet. It's plain decency to switch off things- and it takes no time. Close taps you don't use.

3) FANCY SHMANCY, simple is good.
I love fancy workplaces and malls as much as the next guy, but do you really need a conveyor belt for used plates in a food court? If you're a manager with the power to affect these decisions, you should think about this. Why use the elevator or the escalator for one single floor? You have legs so you can move them. Do you really need a flat escalator when you can walk?

4) TRAVEL IN PACKS
Carpool, PLEASE! I've seen enoug roads clogged up with hundreds of cars all going to the same Tech park, each loaded up with one driver ONLY. It wouldn't hurt to carpool, it'd save you money, it'd save the environment, you wouldn't have to drive in traffic and everything would get better. While we're on this, road rage does NOTHING besides popping your veins out. Check out this amazingly simple initiative to see what I mean- Smiling Drivers. (Thank you, Shob, for that.)

5) DON'T IGNORE FREE LIGHTING
I've seen SO many offices that block out all natural light and air for complete air-conditioning and artificial lighting, throughout the day. Why? Architects, designers, managers and CEOs should sit up and take notice. It's really lame to have to use so much lighting when there's SO much of it available, for free! Even in the tropics, even in India, people want to run away from natural light and air. A little air-conditioning is necessary, but it doesn't have to be all that cold. Attempt to use natural things as much as possible. I really don't get why companies would spend a fortune on electricity when they can just get away with using natural light for most of the day for FREE. You don't need ANY finance degree to get that point. People have LOST THEIR MINDS while they've gained degrees, truly.

6) SPREAD THE WORD.
It isn't uncool to care about the environment or talk about it or discuss it when you're with your friends. It isn't uncool to spend your weekends being involved in projects like a sapling plantation drive- some of the coolest people I know are involved in stuff like this. A lot of teenagers think that doing this sort of stuff is uncool- and it's time to change that perception. Going green should be looked at in a whole new light. You should do whatever little you can to spread awareness- whether it's writing about it, singing about it, doing a play about it, drawing about it, talking about it, or being an example to others. Awareness is what's going to get us anywhere. And people should stop being cynical, in my opinion. You don't have to worry about which gas is categorized as a pollutant of not- it isn't in your hands, anyway. Sure, voice your opinion. But don't stop using your common sense to use this planet in a way that DOESN'T imply that it's a big round ball of trash.

So, there you go. If you've read till here, I'm glad and honoured that you gave up on doing something *far more precious*, I'm sure, than reading my views on how we can help do something as drastic as treat our giant home with respect. And no, I'm not trying to be captain planet or the planeteers. I just think that humans have it in them to be decent to their surroundings, and that such behaviour needs to be encouraged, applauded and expected in order for it to become commonplace. Fines are one thing- but if everyone n a street sticks up their nose at someone who litters, I can guarantee that it won't continue for long.

Here's to Blog Action Day, and more importantly, here's to the human race- and our ultimate test- Can we undo all the damage we've done for years? Can we get to the very bottom of that grimy stain and wipe it out? At the very least, can we stop that stain from getting bigger? We have to try, in our own small way. We're not just skulls with separate lives, we're people who jointly live in this one huge place. Here's to the hope that we all start acting like that's true.

2009-09-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

Join the Conversation Here

Above Average with a Whoop!

2009-09-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

Finally. Although I still have a couple of drafts that I'm supposed to finish and post (a fun music-tag one, in fact), Silverstreak certainly got one thing right- this is THE post-tag for me. Not because I've truly conquered this category, but because in this tag category, one thing is guaranteed- I am above average. And it feels FANTASTIC to type that. This list has a lot of classics, actually, and so the numbers are quite sad. Put me on a fiction list and I shall astound! But the longest list I can make is undoubtedly the list of books I want to read. One lifetime isn't enough for that, no kidding.

It has been quite a week, folks. Not a bad week, just a busy one. I haven't even started working yet (still in training) and I'm already acting all grown up and busy. I'm personally very scared for myself. I happened to see the friends episode on TV today, the one where chandler takes a bath, and all I could think of was how amazing a day in a tub would be. Completely putting aside all the soaked-skin effects, of course.

Anyway, here we go...

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

Look at the list and bold those you have read.
Mark in blue those you intend to read.
Mark in RED the books you LOVE.
Reprint this list in your own blog.
Having seen the movie/cartoon/TV series is not the same as having read the book.

Presenting....My list!

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

I tag whoever wants to be tagged.

and W stands for working, really?

2009-08-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a week since I started going to work- and yes, it still feels weird to say that. I'll be lying if I say that I'm fully aware of the change. It feels like something's changed, but I don't know what. When I'm there, I feel like I'm in a distant world, and I'm not really in control of my actions. Now, that can't be a good thing, you say. I'll get real enough there, as soon as my brain adjusts to functioning in a colder environment, my head adjusts to the coffee, my butt, to sitting for long hours, and my mind, to growing up.

Work's been fun, for the most part- I went in with more warning than anything else. The really cool part about starting work is that people remember and wish you and message you and call you- it's overwhelming. It's also a brilliant reminder of this new phase in life, I suppose. I like how Akaash put it on the first day, 'The first day of the rest of our lives'. I got a lot of gyaan- don't expect anything, keep your senses open, be open to working hard, smile a lot, avoid dressing for social suicide, never go in without checking your teeth for gunk somewhere- and most of it was useful, I'll admit. But the only advice I'd give anyone would be to look at the positive side of things- and that starts early as hell, I suppose. Typically, you should start looking at the positive side of things from day numero uno in your life, but If you can't, you should really learn to identify the positives, like I am. Because there are a lot, believe me. And it's almost sad if you don't see it sometimes.

So yes, it's been crazy, I'm sleep deprived, my diet's flown away and I can only manage a tired smile by the end of the day, and work hasn't even started.
But I'm loving it, folks, because I'm growing up, I'm learning, I'm growing to understand myself better, and work is the best lesson in people you'll ever get. People can really surprise you, and when they do, it's like BOOM!
I'm also more aware of all the mad awesomeness in the world, the analysis that goes behind every little thing there is. I'm also growing increasingly resistant to temperature change- that can only be looked at as a good thing. I'm learning how to remember names, I'm learning how to remember acronyms, and I'm learning how to make coffee from coffee machines. Well, sort of.

This is me, signing off- Miss Waiting for Weekends (I think), Miss I hate travel, Miss Whole-new-wake-up-call-to-myself, Miss Finally, finally, growing up (I think, again.) For all those of you who still haven't worked somewhere, it can be a very humbling, interesting, and sometimes amusing experience. Amusing because you'll only be amused at yourself, if you're anything like me. For those of you who have, tell me which is the best place for wrinkle free clothes, because all the ironing is driving me nuts, peeps.

I hereby tag Akaash to post anything. Anything.

Somewhere a clock is ticking

2009-08-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

We're always looking forward in life, aren't we? That next job, that new place, that new life. That thing we want, that person we want, that person we want to be. This thing, that thing. We're always looking ahead, because our eyes are programmed to see that way- in front.

But this video a bunch of us recently made for Sutta made me realise that I may be too busy looking ahead to look back. I'm always looking for something else, never truly getting the worth of what I have right then. I might be having the best time ever, and I'm too busy trying to find a BETTER time, trying to find a better place, trying to find what I THINK I want to truly sit back and enjoy it. I'm too busy running ahead to look back over my shoulder.

But when I do, all I see is perfect. I didn't know it at the time, but in hindsight, everything went just as it was meant to go; it doesn't matter if it was according to plan. Everyday was filled with the best I could've asked for. And yes, I've an imovie to prove it. An imovie to remind me that regret is but a trivial part in life- it has no spot in the bigger picture. The bigger picture is filled primarily with the good times. Kingfisher got that one very, very right.

If only I'd made an imovie before. I miss everything, everything I never realised was perfect at the time, perfect in a way that I'd never imagined. I guess all I'm trying to say is that you might think that all you want for life to begin is for something to end- say college, school, hostel, project, exams. Ho Hum, guess what- you've been living life all along. Yes, life IS what happens when we're busy making plans. The good life is the 'in the middle', the filler, the general, the regular. The regular is what will bring laughter and smiles and SIX hours of joy in making a video of your life in a few years. We thought that was a lot to begin with, but can you compress all the happiness (that you didn't even know existed) of Four years in Six hours? You can't. You can barely take out a slice.

Moral of the post? Your parents were right all along (SHOCKING, I know). You'll look back on your life one day, just like me, and hopefully, you'll also find that it lacked in nothing. Retrospect is key to getting that. Things may suck, things may burn, things may go to hell, things may not go according to plan.

You'll curse and swear and cry and hate and in the end, all you'll remember is the love.

Somewhere, a clock is ticking. Ticking too fast, ticking away. I didn't even hear it for so long, and I'll stop hearing it soon enough, because I will be living. As will everyone else.
And the cycle shall repeat.....

The Gift

2009-07-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

One of the phrases I hated most when I was growing up (STILL feels weird to say that, I'm still growing up!) was "rose-tinted glasses". Everyone at home thought that I had them on, all the time. Come down to earth, and throw away those glasses, they'd say. I lived in a dreamy haze, where everything was great, everything was fabulous. Yes, it's true- I didn't really understand things like pain, suffering, evil.

And then, just like they said, I took away those glasses. Shattered them for a brand new pair, one that gleamed of practicality, supposed good sense and clarity of thought. One that I thought I'd always wanted. One that I thought would get me through life better.

And now, I find that the rose-tinted ones are probably better.

How many times have we resented our lives for being incomplete? How many times have we wished we had certain things, trivial things. They may not seem trivial to us, but in the grand scheme of things? I know I look back on so many events in school and wonder why certain things mattered to me that much. How many times have we wanted something, only to have someone point out that we actually DO have a lot going for us? How many times, have we cribbed and detested things about our lives? Quite a few, atleast in my case.

Ironically, what opened my eyes was a visually challenged boy I met recently. I was his scribe for his exams, and at the end of it all, I don't know who needed more examination- him, or me. I basically got to go to his college, write exams there and in the process, I happened to see how every tiny little thing is different. Sure, it was remarkable, how he was coping, how he was succeeding, even. But to a great extent, I realized the sheer magnitude of the everyday gifts we have. Tiny, almost miniscule ones- from being able to cross the road, to knowing which direction to turn exactly when someone calls you. From being able to sit and study with friends, to playing lagori and round-robin table tennis. From being able to see how good someone's chicken steak looks, to seeing someone's outfit. From being able to comment on an ad or movie, to being able to drive. From being able to be completely and totally independent, to being able to see pictures of people you miss. From having the potential to do almost ANYTHING, to just as easily, helping others reach their potential.

We truly have it all. We can experience everything we want to, remember what we want to, believe what we want to. We've practically nothing standing in our way, unless you look at rocks on the way as walls. Yes, folks...most of us have no major setbacks, nothing pulling us apart, nothing freezing our senses. We, quite literally, have a license to live in every way we can. And still, most of us don't.

And this is how we should view the world, ideally. Through the rose tint, where everything is ours and we don't need anything more. If a visually challenged boy can finish a degree, use a laptop, catch a bus and do SO much more, why do I sit and complain about all the perfection that exists around me? I'm embarrassed about the entire section on this blog that has the tag "How can you not vent?". Because the question, really, is, How can you, possibly?

I'm sure I'll go back, at some point, to having issues with things, wishing, wanting, needing more, a lot more. It's called being human, and being flawed. But it helps once in a while to step back and see the enormous pile of gifts we have in comparison to so many others, I guess. It's like everyday is my birthday.
And I barely celebrate.

Here's to the happy tint, a good dose of being grateful, P.O.S.I.T.I.V.I.T.Y (sutta, are you smiling?), less cribbing ( a lot more people, are you smiling?) and to the gift. The gift that we all have, of opportunity. (Sound- :) ) And to people who think I'm getting too philosophical with the post- it will happen to you too someday!

In school, we had this assembly regularly with thoughts and speeches made by students, and surprisingly, in all my 14 years there, I remember only one saying from one speech- and it wasn't even my own (adt, you will remember this too).

The past is history,
The future's a mystery
and the present is a gift- that's why they call it the present.

The Life Excuse

2009-07-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

We've all heard it, in some form. "Life is short". This, dear readers, is the perfect excuse to do a lot of things, ranging from Bungee jumping and dating to doing a course in animation or bar-tending. Life is short. It's a perfectly valid excuse to really live it, and it goes beyond being an excuse- it becomes a reason. We should all walk on ice, flirt with danger, fight fire with fire atleast once in our lives. Just to know what it feels like, or why we shouldn't. Living is about the experience.

A website I happened to read about in last week's TIME magazine seems to have taken the Life Excuse a bit too far, in my opinion. I'm talking about the Ashley Madison Agency, that was established in 2001, with the sole purpose of allowing people to have and enjoy affairs the way they were meant to be- secret. "Life is short. Have an affair", they say. They seem to have some sort of guarantee on this- especially since the applications are loaded on phone browsers that leave no trace of anything. It is also supposedly the most successful site capitalizing on extra-marital affairs, according to the article in TIME magazine. Read it, here.

Presenting, Mr. Hypocrite of the month (and extendible to MUCH longer), CEO Noel Biderman. Here's an excerpt from TIME magazine - "Humans aren't meant to be monogamous," he says. So would this free-thinking CEO mind if his own wife used his site? "I would be devastated," he says.

I'd love to know what Ashley Madison users think of THAT! While Biderman is (supposedly) happily married, the rest of you lead wretched lives filled with lying, suspicion and (hopefully) guilt. I'm sure the thrills and frills of your affairs are oh-so-fabulous, and there's no discounting that. But, life is short, have an affair? Really? Then why are you married, Biderman, and why would you be devastated if your wife had an affair? Doesn't the same logic apply to her too?

No, because you're a pathetic, infinite curse-worthy hypocrite who wants to live the win-lose situation. Everyone else will lose, because, let's face it, either they'll caught some other way or the guilt and the lying will give them away. Electronic tracing isn't the only way to find out if someone's having an affair. There are a lot more signs- and getting caught isn't all that impossible. So while you sit back with your wife and relax in the knowledge that you live in security, you're acting like some sick pervert prophet who just wants to see society fall apart in front of you. If human beings aren't meant to be monogamous, as you claim, why are you an exception? I know they aren't, but human beings cannot be used as walking-talking-living toys for your ventures either. Clearly, that statement is something you learnt up from some footnote or book summary as an attempt to justify your lousy way of living.

There's a great example of a creep who is using other people's desire to make his own money. He doesn't care if you're life seems short, long, fun or dull. He wants to make his cold, hard cash, and people are falling prey to his pathetic lure. You want to have an affair, fine, it's your life, but don't let this waste of skin profit from that financially. How do you know he doesn't read your messages from his servers? How do you know he doesn't have a profile on his own web-site? If his services really do make an affair hard to trace, how do we know that both him AND his wife aren't cheating on each other? I hope all these are untrue, but you may never know. After reading this article, I really can't expect much better from people. Can you?

And yes, if only I was even marginally better at coding, Mr Biderman, I'd write applications to trace your servers and locate your profile and others' messages and MAKE SURE that those messages are sent directly to every spouse's inbox. Not because of the havoc it will cause those people, but because of the havoc it will cause YOU. I cannot bear to see you succeed in the trail of other people's desires that you encourage in the first place, while being the biggest hypocrite of all time. Atleast live the affair-filled life you're preaching; then I might have a pinch of regard for your honesty.

Really, I'd love to use my brains and my degree to bring you down.
Heck, maybe I will.

Get lucky

2009-07-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

It was a nice, relaxed evening, and after we all had dinner, we went back to doing our own thing. I'm talking about my family, at home. I went back to my computer, so did almost everyone else. My folks started flipping channels on the good old TV, and this is practically a ritual. I would've done just about anything and gone to bed, except now my folks were calling me down with a great deal of excitement. Come, see, help, they said.

This particular channel had put up this picture of some headless celebrity wearing a snake-like diamond necklace, very choker-esque. I'd vaguely seen it somewhere before, and I guessed a bunch of names. All of us had vaguely seen it somewhere before. No prizes for guessing what the deal was- We had to guess the celebrity. But just getting through the line would mean you'd won 2500 Rupees, and guessing correctly- 50,000.

Yes, you read right. It is THAT much.

Now, we quickly moved from denial to confusion to excitement. I mean, come on! That's almost like distributing money! We even went beyond hazarding a few guesses, we googled it (GOD BLESS GOOGLE AND THE INTERNET) and found out who she was. There. Now, it was just a question of getting through.

You think we didn't know what a facade this was? We did. The channel happily aired footage of people calling, and guessing the worst guesses possible. We knew it was all fake, because our celeb is SO high profile that no one can miss her. No, really. A million phone calls, all of them guessing everyone but her, and in my country, she's one of the best known celebs around. There's NO WAY someone would miss her. So, this was a facade. A nice, big devilish money making scheme.

And the best part? Educated people like us who fully understand what a scheme the whole thing is STILL call anyway. Knowing that this is just a way for them to make millions of rupees while we try to get hold of 50,000. Knowing that all those calls on the screen were fake; we were never going to get through. Knowing that there wasn't a chance.

And yet, we did. Why? Because that's what we all want, deep down inside. We all want luck. It doesn't matter if it's packaged in a vial, a question, a lucky dip, a facade game show. We all want a strange yet delirious twist of fate to happily deposit riches and happiness into our laps, while we sit around and wait.

Wait, knowing that there isn't a chance. Wait, thinking that someone has to win. Wait, because we know someone who just happened to get lucky.
Wait, because we want to, too.

And that wait, that want, that need is the basis for SO many industries. We feed it. We clothe it, we want it, we create that demand.
And in this world of ups and downs, there's truly only one thing that we want. Our recession-proof desire. Luck. You think this desire increases only when we're going through bad times? Wake up and smell the freshly minted money from all this, folks. No matter how hard we work, no matter how much we try NOT to depend on it, we do.

And in my books, that dependence is vindicated.

In with the new

2009-07-16T04:07:00.001-07:00

We all do a total 180, sometime or the another, on something. Going from a NO to a YES, going from why to why not, from aren't you out of your mind?!!..to you'd be crazy NOT to try this! I know I have. So, here we go..the things that were a total 180 degree pullout for me in the recent past..

Radiohead. Shocking as it is, there was a time, years and years ago, (when I was even more hopelessly immature) that I once actually laughed at OK Computer. Both the album name, and the songs in it. Needless to say, I was a stupid infant then, and thankfully, good sense has prevailed.
Sarees. I recently even bought TWO! Why, because, when the need arises, you have to buy them. I've actually started appreciating prints..spending time in a saree shop is less DEATH to me now.
Pink- The colour. I once hated, despised, loathed, even, pink, yes, just like you, silverstreak, and did a total 180 on this when I saw this dull pink bag in Gucci and..there was no turning back. The artist- Loved, all along.
Great indian Epics. At one point I thought- what could be more boring than reading the Mahabharat? Trust me, a lot. I've started reading some super condensed version (I shock my own self) and it is actually highly entertaining. Besides, most of your Indian friends will have names from there. No kidding. Mine do. Makes for some pretty 'interesting' trivia.
South Indian Food. From Yuck, to yummy in my tummy. My mom says I am finally growing up and accepting my identity like a normal human being, I attribute this to the HORRID food (other cuisines) i've eaten outside sometimes. It suddenly made me love south indian food. Go figure. I still don't dig Idlis, though.
Priyanka Chopra. Attributed to dostana, even though she wasn't much of an actress in it. I couldn't stand her before, and now I think that although she can't act, she fulfils the bollywood hype and expectation of looking amazing without looking like a fake painted doll, and i've never seen someone wear a saree with NO jewellery and still look stunning.
Rain. Yes, I hated rain once. Simply because, on my way home from school, it would end up being a long, cold walk. Now, I can't get enough of it.
Tea. I'm still in the I-love-coffee club, here, but Tea is GOOD. And I have stopped discounting that. Especially elaichi tea.
Strawberries. From weird to D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S.
Dating. I used to have very different ideas on dating, which, for various reasons, I will not post here. I've changed, that's all you need to know. (Some people may remember the ridiculous.."If two people like each other...")
Editorials in newspapers. From Why are they here to Why did I miss out on years of reading them?
Peanuts. The comic. Yes, you probably are a die-hard Calvin and Hobbes fan too, but peanuts is really good. You should try it. If you already like it, why didn't you tell me sooner?!
Plays. I didn't like plays and theatre once. When I was young (read: stupid) I know. Ridiculous. Now, I'd happily watch a play every night of the week.
Weddings. Now, I love them. The really well done ones. With great food and lots of dancing and company, that is. Earlier, it was such a snoozefest.

Feel free to contribute, or let me know if you post something in parallel- Will link!

Emma- What?!

2009-07-15T02:26:00.000-07:00

What, and wow! This isn't my feeble attempt at trying to be these girls- They do their job phenomenally well, so I'm not even going to try. For anyone who's yet to experience the awesomeness of GoFugYourself, you should- it is the BEST way to spend time, cheer up, gossip- and hell knows most girls love gossip. Make that ALL.

But I saw that picture and couldn't help myself. I HAD to post about this. I mean, just LOOK at her again, will you?! She looks fabulous! What an incredible example of great marketing, really, I mean, for one, she has such a different image compared to most of the party girls, a nice squeaky-clean image that makes her interesting simply because she isn't ALL over the place. She makes signature brands like burberry appeal to the young and the fabulous, heck, even normal everyday-on-the-road-people like me are aching, yes, ACHING to buy this bag now. It looks fab, she looks fab, her hair looks fab, she knows how to pose, she looks so wonderfully sophisticated and british, and man, has this kid grown up or what?!

Somebody please buy me this bag. Clue:- my birthday, coming up!

What do you all think? Love it, hate it, ignore it?

Stay and leave

2009-07-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

There are two questions we always subconsciously ask ourselves- Where do we really want to go, and would we have liked to get here differently? We never realise it, but it is always there, ubiquitous, soaked in every decision we ever make, every thing we contemplate. Some of us, like, me, even wonder how we got here. Worse, should we stay in the same place, on the same road? I know that between the ages of 16 and now, somewhere, somehow, I lost track of things. Sure, when I did high school, I vaguely chose this path, of science and engineering. But why? That, I can never answer. I should've realised back then that it wasn't my cup of tea, heck, it wasn't even my VIEW of the cup of tea. I should've realised that the very fact that I was struggling with it meant that I shouldn't do it. But no, oh no no no, somehow, in this weird mind of mine, I figured that I was just about learning how to swim- and once I finished, it would be easy.

Little did I understand that learning how to swim is a totally different thing from living in the 'swimming pool' i'd chosen for eighty percent of my time. Because right now, that's what I think I will be doing. I did a degree in a course that I assumed would interest me, but guess what- It didn't. On the contrary, it made me hate 'swimming' and anything associated with it. Now, I shudder at the very sight of the swimming pool, and more at the thought of me being in it all the time. Suddenly, swimming doesn't seem fun. Swimming suddenly equals chore.

Maybe it isn't my fault, I keep telling myself. Maybe I WASN'T supposed to know back then, what I would really want in life. Maybe I was supposed to make this mistake. Mistake number two- I've been spending SO much time staring at the 'swimming' pool in dismay, I've totally forgotten that the time frame of trying to do something else has crept up on me and is soon going to leave. And here I am, unable to comprehend, confused about where to begin, still clutching my wet, chlorine-infused swimming trunks.

Sometimes I want to stay, and sometimes I want to leave. There are perks of staying and leaving, both, but I cannot go the rest of my life knowing what it is like on the other side. I've 'stayed' here, all my life. I want to get out, go, see the world, read the OTHER chapters. Try the OTHER sports. Live anOTHER life.

I know I'm not alone. There are people who've made decisions, and left, and now think differently than they used to- like Radhika. There are people like silverstreak, who have a love-hate relationship with everything they've done. There's perplexed, who doesn't want to be perplexed about what she wants anymore. They are all fantastic people, and those links will take you to fantastic posts. It's both comforting and scary, the fact that I've company. Is it normal for so many of us to feel this way? Or is it scary that SO many of us don't know what we really want? I guess we, as humans, can never be satisfied, even if we actually do end up doing what we like. To make things worse, in India atleast, the education system expects you to sort of figure out what you want reasonably early in life. Too early, in my case.

I guess, in the end, I do love a LOT of why I've stayed, and maybe to love it more, I have to leave. Time will creep up on me, like it does for everyone, but I guess I will have to find the confidence and sheer guts to pull my own self out of my comfort zone. I've made a lot of friends along the way, in the swimming pool, and they were the reason I even survived there. But I can't rely on other people to get me through my choices every single time, can I?

I suppose it's time to get out, time to leaf through the pages of some other sport, time to get a life. I'd change a lot of things about how I got here, but I'm guessing that even if I did, I'd probably want the things I've now found along the way. I have to go out and atleast attempt to leave, to get a different life. It may be exactly what I wanted, or it may be what I totally didn't bargain for.

But I can't go the rest of my life without knowing which.

The end of an era

2009-07-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

I have SO much to do right now. But Guess what?

I am now an engineer. Yeah, that's right. I'm yet another techie from India, I will also be working in a software-based job position, and yeah, I did B.E Information Science which is sort of like Computer Science in most ways. And yes, I know how cliche it all is.

But I DID IT!! I did something I don't even like all that much (Why, is a different post) and I did it well! You know how hard it is to do something you don't like? No? Well, do that. Throw yourself out of your comfort zone and happy zone and do something you DON'T want to do.

Then tell me how easy it is.

Anyway, so I did something I don't even like, and WELL!! Sure, there were setbacks and rollercoasters and tears and jumps and crazy moments and fear and loathing and happiness and in the end I did it! You're looking at ~R~, B.E!

I don't even care what anyone thinks. Maybe it's not a great achievement, like recording an album or writing a book. It isn't anything to be famous for. But it's four long hard painful and not-fun-ever-academically years of a degree that I now feel proud for getting, simply because it never figured in my dream list of things I'd like to do. It was never my dream to wonder about how I'd feel on this day. I never thought I'd even write a post on this, heck!

But I now know that if I can do something I don't even like well enough, after a setback, forcing that kind of commitment to study things I hate, then I can do anything.

And that, THAT, is powerful stuff, folks.

Congratulations to everyone who graduated from VTU today, particularly Silverstreak, Perplexed, Akaash, and everyone else I've forgotten to mention in the blogosphere and pat yourselves on the back, you all, for it has been one unbelievable ride.

Picture Courtesy treehugger.com. It didn't tell me about the copyright clearly, and I'm sorry if this is copyright infringement. It is a great picture, though.

Sweet tweet

2009-07-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

So..I love twitter. Unlike a whole bunch of twitter fans, I didn't really take much to it in the beginning. What was the point, I thought. You have a status message on Facebook, you have e-mail. You have SO many blogs, so many social networking sites. Why yet another one that allows you to say something, in, heck, only so many characters?

Well, it all boils down to simplicity. And that's something I know I crave. Facebook changes, all the time. There are now SO many applications (don't get me wrong, I love them). But sometimes, it sort of takes away from the need to say certain things, get certain answers, be in a certain place. That's something you'll get only on twitter. It's simple. It's smart. It's lightning fast. It's the easiest way to quickly and continuously say something. If we were all on twitter, we wouldn't really need anything else to actually keep up with each other's lives on a daily basis. It's as simple as that.

What was extra amazing was that one of my tweets were "What GMAT books do I buy? Help." And by the next day, The Princeton Review was following me on twitter! Ditto for this company I'm going to be working for soon, they're following me on twitter too! It's a nice, simple, elegant interface.

Facebook and twitter have now both become about different things, in my opinion. Facebook is great for people who have time on their hands, but twitter is effective for those who can't be bothered with who won how Texas Hold 'em or who thinks you're the most dateable on your friends list. We need these things to keep in touch with people and know what they're upto, and somewhere down the line, other applications have lost focussed sight of that. Twitter hasn't, yet. Which is why you should use it if you still don't, and why I hope it stays that way.

Not-so-candid camera

2009-07-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted, hasn't it? Anyway, for those of you who have been reading, the angst has given way to a whole load of Blah. College is over, I am now a graduate and a lot of things are changing, and changing real fast. But this post is not about that. I've decided to hurl myself right back in the swirl of things by telling you a little something about my most recent vacation.

Now, a vacation is synonymous with photographs. If you don't believe me, just head on over to facebook and see what I mean. Pictures of road trips, weekend getaways, hell, even a midnight car ride to the airport. They're all there. Everyone wants to capture important, not-so-important, valid, drunk, happy, funny, gorgeous, embarrassing moments and everyone almost always does.

I just went to Kabini, which is this incredible place in Karnataka right at the edge of Nagarhole, or what is also known as the Rajiv Gandhi National Park. So this place is basically well known for wildlife, and a host of resorts have opened up around the river, which is a nice well-fed tributary of the Kaveri. We stayed at Jungle Lodges, in a nice cute little cottage right on the river bank. It was all very charming and calming and I spent a good deal of time chilling on the super-wide hammock and climbing the nice big net across many trees.

We took a lot of pictures, but there were a few amazing moments in particular where I was far too busy enjoying the moment to even fish out my camera. Now, I'm a huge fan of the environment, wildlife, forests, nature, and all that, so I tend to fade out and sort of drink in the surroundings in this very sleepy, happy way. However, these memories are stuck in my head, so I doubt I'll need pictures, really.

*Scene 1*

A jeep was slowly inching its way up to a small herd of elephants around the watering hole in the forest. The herd consisted of five wild Asian elephants, all happy with their flapping ears (now the happy is entirely my assumption). They didn't seem too bothered by the jeep at first, but, man being man, he just HAS to push it. I suppose the people in the jeep got rather excited and the jeep went quite close to the herd. There was this absolutely ADORABLE baby elephant there, too.

Too close.

The uncle (presumably) suddenly charged after the jeep, practically pushing it away. This was sort of unexpected for everyone, and we could only watch from our jeep as the elephant actually chased the jeep the hell out of there. Talk about adaptation. It was way cool, really, to watch an elephant do that. Go, elephant!

Would've been neat to have a video of that, though.

*Scene 2*

Two elephants and a baby elephant go swimming. The baby can barely keep its head above water, but it manages to, as elephants are supposedly born swimmers. Then they all come out of the water, baby in between. It truly is a sight, a baby elephant butt in between two elephant butts, all walking in unison.

*Scene 3*

Tiger, the beast of the forest, pacing across the bank of the watering hole.

Silence, everywhere, and not another creature in sight.

Wildlife is about experience. There's no point just reading about it, or watching documentaries about it. Those are nice, sure. But experiencing it first hand is something else.

What photographs did you wish you'd taken? (doesn't have to be about wildlife!)

See how it has really begun

2009-05-19T09:44:00.001-07:00

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

At this rate, I'm going to start truly hating some people. *refer previous post titled 'Over to the Dark Side'.*

When you've got TWO ranting posts one straight after the other, and your actual intent is actually to write about things you ponder about, not silly things like this, you know you're in trouble.

People can be complex. People can be aloof. People can mind their own business and not give a tiny hoot about you. People can be difficult.

All that I can handle.

But when people are smug, people smirk inside their heads and you can hear it outside, people try and act like they're not doing anything that will hurt you, and worst of all, people can be totally, totally inconsiderate, literally peeing their ego about all over the place like the alpha wolf, then they really deserve a slap in the face.
Unfortunately, no one really does that.

I'm struggling to contain myself, but I'm really not going to say more. I think the nice me is tugging at my strings now. She's saying, shh! Shut up, and it'll go away.

It had better.

Over to The Dark Side

2009-05-19T05:48:00.001-07:00

Okay, so the title is an exaggeration. It really is. But I'm in a dramatic frame of mind, and rightly so.

I'm changing, and I can feel it.

Me changing is something that happens quite often, but never with such noticeable implications, you know? Normally I myself don't realise that I've changed. It usually happens in this very sneaky manner, and only when the change is complete do I go 'Whoa!'

But not this time.

Maybe I should start at the beginning. But I don't feel like, I feel like going in reverse and that, again, is not me. Normally I like starting with the prologue, the introduction, and then bring gently to the present. But now I feel like shouting it out from the rooftops, starting in reverse, screaming things out from my lungs simply because I cannot be my own secret-keeper anymore. I feel like getting to the point, and I will. Here goes.

I am finally, finally, not the nicest person in the world, anymore.

Whew. That's all, you ask? Weren't you rude before?
Well, No. Not in the true sense of the word anyway.

Really. I didn't say much about people behind their backs. Hardly. The only people I'd ever hated were the ones that had actually done things to genuinely hurt me. Genuinely. Even then, I'd still give them one last chance. Maybe two. Maybe three. It would've taken a LOT for me to tell someone to actually get lost. Don't get me wrong here, it's not like I cannot use actual expletives! But It took a lot for me to dislike someone, and I usually had concrete reasons. I was never the sort of person who didn't like anyone just because I felt like that person gave me these 'bad vibes' that everyone talks about. I never judged on the first meeting. I'd taught myself that everyone deserves a few chances.

But no longer.

Now, I get irritated by the smallest, tiniest things. People's flaws have been blown bigger by this invisible magnifying glass above themselves, and its an instrument I'm finding hard to ignore. I'm not perfect and I'm full of flaws myself, and I know that, but suddenly I've become more aware of others' than my own. Never before have I felt the urge to call up friends and crib and bitch for hours about some small thing that happened to me because of what someone said. Never before have I felt resentment towards people because of the little things. Never before, have I been unable to let things go. The little things.

*This has nothing to do with my previous post, for those who've read it. *

Funnily enough, I think some other people are changing, too. Check this post out, if you don't believe me. I read that and couldn't stop smiling..it was almost as if the reverse had happened to perplexed. Ditto with Ping.

I don't know if this a natural course that I needed to take in life, I don't know if it's because people eventually get tired of trying to be nice, and I don't know if this is an outcome of circumstance. But for the first time, I'm not so tired anymore. I'm not so tired of putting up with things. I either get myself out of situations or bitch or make it clear that I won't. And I think I like not being that tired, I really do.

Sure, I miss the old me. The old me gave people the benefit of the doubt, nearly every single time. The old me would've been easier to like, I suppose. Should I go back to the old me? I don't know, but I'm not sure that change is even under my control, anymore. I mean, it feels good to get even minor annoyances out in the open. It feels great to express disgust, to express irritation, to express how infuriated things make me feel. It's such a relief, really.

The old me still partially exists, because she's the one writing this right now. The new me wouldn't care enough to. The new me wouldn't even care to analyse the difference because she's happy enough with herself.

It's like two different people inside me, and I'm excited to see who pulls what strings....

This post is dedicated to two people who are probably heralding this change as the bright shining sun in not only my life but theirs, adt and Ping! And to Firefox, who I know will love me anyway.

Little things

2009-05-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

What makes and breaks a relationship? I'm sure everyone's pondered the answer to that question at some point in their lives, regardless of the number of relationships they've been in. What brings people together and what takes them apart? Are they two different things? Are they two sides of the same thing?
Worse, are they both...the same things?

I've asked a lot of people this, people who've been successful at handling their relationship, people who haven't, people who've never been in a relationship and people who have and hence don't want to anymore. I've got a lot of responses, but none of them were answers. No, really, no one knows the answer to this one. I'm sure psychologists don't either, because then they'd all have the most successful relationships on the planet, and I know for a fact that that is not the case. If someone figured out the answer to this one, he'd have figured out what can effectively be seen as the secret to life. People all over the world would have their problem solved, a ubiquitous problem at that.

All I could get, however, were that a shocking majority of people said that it was the little things that finally did it. The little things not only brought them together, but it also took them apart. The very same things, apparently. They finally get to you. 'You assume life is all about these big things', someone once said to me. 'You hold up a trough together with all these rocks and suddenly the little rocks start falling through the holes, creating more space for the big ones to fall, and before you know it, you've got an empty trough with two angry people fighting to throw it at each other.'

The little things. The teensy, tiny little things. That get to you.

the way you dance to that beat
the way you obsess about things
the way you drink. the way you eat
the way you sing.
the way you look when you sleep
the way you lie
the way you lose things. the way you keep.
the way you cry.
the way you love pretense
the way you lack respect, too.
they way you treat others, and hence
the way others treat you.
the way you think you know it all
the way you start to joke
the way you can't handle a fall
the way you're broke.
the way you cannot do what I like anymore
even though you used to
the way you complain when you're sore
and while I'm still trying, too.
the way you play the blame-game
the way you are with my friends
the way you act tame
the way you react when you're tense
the way you are about PDA
the way you give me space
the way you talk, the way you say
the way you greet. your face.
the way you love. the way you think
the way you judge, gauge.
the way you're always on the brink
the way you change.

I wonder if it's true. What do you think?

I hate the way you make my rhyme

2009-05-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

Dished out, dished out
Scoop out and thrive
Sulk, Pout. Sulk, pout.
And like this, you survive.
And all because I made the same
mistake you've always made
Because it's easier for you to shift blame
It's been a while since I've felt the fade.
I'd assumed I'd get used to it
I wish I'd thought. Halt.
things should have never been this way
You think it's all my fault.
I smile, I'm scared, inside
put myself together, grains of sand.
I pretend. Avoid. Hide.
I'm the opposite of what you planned.
While I want to change, I want to be
the person you thought I was
I am my own, and you can't see
anything beyond my flaws.
Grab away, your pride above
every low I've pushed to reach
Maybe you've forgot the meaning of love
and you're too stubborn to let me teach.
So what should I do? Leave you alone
for all this to go nowhere?
Circles, circles, hushed deep tones
and I hate that it's so unfair.
because all I did, and all i want
is for you to give a little damn
i can't do more. I can't.
but I'll try even more, that's who I am.
So while you live your own world
of the things that I don't do right
All I can do, is sleep on it, curled
and pray that you won't bite.
Maybe someday you'll get how much
I tried, but you didn't budge
I don't think you'll ever see it now, as such
Dished out, shallow, the judge.
So I did what I always do, I wrote
something cheesy to get if off my mind
and strangely enough, its working. I hope.
Stand up. Shut up. Rewind.

The Jackalope Philosophies

2009-05-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

After the rain comes the sunshine, they say. I've always loved both equally, but you've gotta admit- sunshine makes you feel happier doesn't it? No? Well, it certainly makes me feel that way. Not the sickening heat, but a clear, happy day.

Today started off badly..I had this unsettling feeling in my stomach when I tried installing a new version of kubuntu myself. I'd had feisty fawn for god alone knows how long, and the repositories were all so old that they'd developed fungus, I'm guessing. Nothing worked. The time had come. Out with the old, and let's usher in the new, I said to myself. The problem, however, is that I've never been any good as an usher.

Thankfully, linux-lifesaver came, and saved the day. I'm talking about none other than Punnu, who is DEFINITELY going to be the reason I will spend money on a steak at Millers, real soon. The poor (and very smart) boy managed to fix some things, but Alas! (don't you just LOVE words like Alas? Alas!) The Jaunty Jackalope managed to crash quite a few times. I don't know who looked more crestfallen then- me, or him.

But if at first you don't succeed, try, try, one more time before you nearly shoot yourself. Right? Or something to that effect. I tried one more time, and Lo Behold! (Man, you've got to love exclamatory expressions.) It worked! As you read, I am working on a somewhat stable 9.04, and firefox is working and qmake is working and it is all joy everywhere and I hope it lasts.

However, poor sutta's comp crashed after this. What saying makes for this now? Hmm...Life is a rollercoaster? It was quite a thump, really. I felt really guilty because just then I was thinking..Man, her comp has a good music collection- must take! Sigh!

Anyway, at the end of what has been a jaunty day, I can only smile, because my rusted guitar didn't give punnu tetanus, we sang, I bought a Prince squash racquet after MUCH running around, I didn't buy Vijayanthi shoes (gag moi) and at the end of the day...

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless,but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

You've got to love Clint Eastwood.

Me of many shades

2009-05-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

*Narcissistic post alert..don't say that I didn't warn you!*

Over the last month, I've experienced a lot of things. Simple things that've made me change my mind about who I am and what I think of myself. I used to think that I'm a pretty complex person, one who is hard to please, really..what with me being so materialistic and impatient and what's worse by FAR is that I get bored, EASILY.

But it turns out I'm really not like that. Not all that much, anyway.

It turns out that I like simple, real-life things, too. I'd gotten very un-real, in my opinion. I'd stopped seeing the sunset everyday, and to most people that isn't such a Big deal. I get that. But to me, it is. There were basic things that made me happy, things I'd happily forgotten for a while. Things like watching the sunset from my balcony (which is a spectacular view of it), smelling the rain on dry mud, the thrill of watching morning wash over the world, the feeling of running in the rain. Nature and everyday things are pretty darn awesome. Somehow, somewhere, I was caught up in some ridiculous world where I'd forgotten that.

So for a whole month I sort of went back to who I used to be years ago. (Years years ago, because I became internet-addicted very early.) I stopped using the internet, I stopped blogging, I stopped writing. I decided to just..experience, and leave it there for once. Not go back and write about it. It was a feeling that wasn't expressed in words, wasn't put down on a webpage or a journal, but something that just stayed in my head and made me feel like something had happened. That's what they call "memories", i guess.

AYT asked me, at one point, when a bunch of us were sitting on Punnu's terrace just staring at the road and the lights at probably 3 A.M, "Don't you just wish you had your laptop right now to write about this?". Funnily enough, I didn't. I loved how I'd gotten over my dependence on this thing- I now know I'll no longer write because I need to. I'll write because I want to.

Over the last month I've gone on an awesome trek to skandagiri..I won't post about it because I've come to believe that you should go there and experience it instead. Instead of reading what I've to say about it. It was amazing in more ways than one, and I can safely say that going and doing regular things now- like clubbing, etc just seems way too boring now. I like how I'm going different things on weekends..playing paintball, learning new things, meeting new (and not) people, and I don't think I mentioned going on a bike ride after midnight, did I? I even learnt how to cook something, ran in the rain, smiled about things that I've always hated about myself. I did things that didn't involve my computer, my ipod, my phone. I grew out of that zone and I'm glad I did.

So, yes, I'm back to the materialistic things, too....But not because I have no other choice. I think I now know that to truly live, you have to do a little bit of everything, and I don't think I have a problem being a jack of all trades. Maybe he really didn't get to be the master of anyone, but that also means he got to do everything, not get bored, and have a good time doing it all.

This post is dedicated to the faithful sunset outside my window, which I just saw while I started this post.

2009-04-18T06:11:00.001-07:00

If you're sitting around and wondering what's the most confusing problem in the world, well, don't worry any longer. It's very simple- People. People are the beginning and end of every problem in the world. Okay, Almost. That still counts for a lot.

I didn't think so till a while ago. I thought nuclear weapons was a confusing problem. The existence of life elsewhere was a confusing problem. Global Warming was a confusing problem.
Image Segmentation was a confusing problem.

And *poof!* There it was, right behind it all, the only problem that causes every problem. Humans. Everywhere, everytime. It's almost funny, how we cause our own problems, and then consider them to be mysteries of the worst kind. They aren't! They're all brainchildren of ours, as twisted and ridiculous and sometimes, just as plain stupid as their creators. We, truly, are our own worst enemies. And no, there isn't a best friend anywhere in that equation.

Nuclear Weapons would be used only for productive purposes, if only the people all over the world agreed on it. We have North Korea doing its own thing, SO many different treaties- NATO, CTBT, NPT, and..wait for the best part...all of them are different! People, all bunching up, all wanting different things. Yes, WE the people are the source of it all.

Global Warming? I sure hope the remaining four fingers are pointing right back at you when you point one out at someone. Global Warming isn't just a problem, its karma laughing in our faces. Yes, folks..we deserve to die in this heat (a sentence previously unimaginable in Bangalore) everyday and look like grime-balls. We created the grime.

AIDS is our fault, because we can't seem to be able to unanimously control it. Maybe if we had all these issues under control, we'd focus on things like extra-terrestrial life and Image segmentation, and solve those problems. Right now, we've great minds being forced to dilute their energies on the million dominos we threw around. They're all coming back.

So the next time you think something sucks, maybe you should take a nice good look in the mirror. Maybe you caused your own hell. Just, maybe. Maybe you didn't, and maybe you did. Either way, People are at the core of everything. So it's still under your control, whatever it is that's storming down on your path.
If we cause our own problems, then its only fair that we do whatever it takes to fix them.
Except cause problems while doing the fixing, of course....

Trains

2009-04-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

...aaand I'm back! Back from a fabulous trip to Udaipur. It's been almost a month since I last Blogged, and surprisingly, I didn't miss it all that much. Sure, at several points I thought..'I can Blog about this', and during those moments I wasn't sure if I should be happy that I'd started to like Blogging all that much, worried that I was thinking about it too much, or if I shouldn't be bothered because my memory is pure patch-work anyway. Because now, I have no idea what I wanted to blog about. Really. I had around TEN posts in my head then, and here I am, rambling on about absolutely nothing on the very first one.

Udaipur was a trip we'd been planning for a while, us from class. CaffeineLover lives there, her house/palace is there. She goes back there everytime we get our measly holidays, and she's been dying for us to visit for ages! And so, after many (many many many. I cannot stress this enough) glitches, we still went. And boy, am I glad.

Sutta, Mommy, Ash, Giggles and me took the train up to Ahmedabad. It was amazing, to say the very least. We'd met this SUPER cute kid named Riddhima, and we played with her for quite some time. What was just way too adorable was that she was from Bombay and actually prefixed her sentences with "Abbe" or "Arre". Man, kids are cute! We also met another kid, and these two boys, Stud Macha A and B. (Lame lingo courtesy college in Karnataka- there's nothing quite like it! If you can't beat em, join em. Really.) One of the machas ended up being quite nice and playing everything - UNO, Bluff, Taboo, Antakshiri (how do you spell this, by the way?) Fast-quietly-keep-it-down (a must play) with us. The other one, Illegal, was on train without a ticket and was entertaining only for a very short while.

In short, trains are fun. I get the best sleep EVER On trains. I sleep great on moving vehicles, trains most of all. Rock-a-bye-me, on the train top berth. We played, ate, played some more. Fantastic, really. The flight back paled in comparion. Travel Tip- when in a fun group, always take trains..they are definitely the way to go!

Our very own Jamal and Latika at Pune Railway Station. Aren't they cute?
They were very keen on being photographed.

Sunset, Pune Railway Station.

Me in a pensive train mood. (Yeah, right!)

India is gorgeous, in a way that can only be discovered by wandering around.

Coming up, a full post on Udaipur!

Of needles, seat-belts, piercings and everything in between

2009-03-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

Human beings are something else, really. Sometimes I think of science as this big throw-and-catch game between man and the universe, and sometimes, man versus man, himself. It's almost humbling to watch how Man constantly brings about innovation in his own life. Everytime there's a new problem, Man goes about finding a way to solve it. Take diseases, for instance. When I was growing up, chickenpox didn't really have a vaccine..those were the days when parents would send their kids to play with kids who had already contracted the disease, just so they could be done with it when they were still young. Now, there's a vaccine. There's also a debate on how effective it is, but neverthless, someone's tried to prevent it.
Ditto for inventions that Man...well, invents. Man makes cars that can crash- so he invents seatbelts. Man makes boats that can sink- so he makes life jackets. (that could've worked the other way around, I suppose.) Man makes guns that can kill- so he makes bulletproof material.
All in all, Man is pretty darn awesome.

If you're wondering why all the sudden hoopla on Man, well, I had to get a tetanus shot today. Ouch! Fortunately, it's been a while since I've been subject to the horror of injections, and boy, do I hate them. Just the sight of the big pointy shiny needle gives me the heebie-jeebies. I've actually graduated from my teen years with minimal hospital experience- no fractures, no intravenous ANYTHING, no hospitalization, in fact. Nice, clean record.
Which is probably why I'm even more of a chicken-head when it comes to these things.

Anyway, I guess the nice lady at the clinic saw the paranoia written on my face, because she offered to give me the injection close to my Butt. At first, I was confused. Wasn't that for teeny-tiny little babies? I'm no baby! I came here all fearless and independent and with the whole woman-of-the-world who isn't afraid of a needle exterior! Fake or real, I came with it!

But good sense prevailed, and I let her do her job. I must say, she was smart, because supposedly, for people with a Zero tolerance for pain, the injection on the arm is a real pain. Sure, my side hurts, but I am so relieved that it's over.

Moving on to BIGGER and BETTER news..a friend of mine got her belly-button pierced! Hence the extra needle-mania. It looks stunning, scorching hot. It's a little freaky, the piercing process, but she handled it well..I think I would've been gagging or fainting or god knows what else. It looks really, REALLY good, and I think with tiny clothes or with a sari, it definitely adds to the gorgeous factor. I would kill for an eyebrow piercing, but If I can't even handle a regular tetanus shot with pure panache, there isn't much hope left for me, is there?!

Also, wear a seatbelt. I really wish I could elaborate, but I don't think I'm ready to, yet. Or that I should, yet. All I can say, is that a seat-belt saved my life, and I don't even want to think of anybody NOT wearing one. Besides, I think people look quite cool with it on..you know, all buckled up and ready to hit the road. I don't mean to sound like a cop, but, again, NEVER FORGET YOUR SEATBELT!

A lot like love

2009-03-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

I used to love them. Those love songs
Back when I was still there, a place so wrong
and I didn't know better. Words, spun around
into synonyms, the same way, the same sound.
and I used to wonder, how people make
these songs that had the same lyrics. Lyrics, fake.

"They draw the chicks out at at concerts", he said.
Friends put perspective in my head
and I listened, learnt, wrote my very own
and I'm reading them now. Now, I've grown.

Suddenly, everything isn't black and white
and love isn't the brightness. The beauty, the light.
Heck, I don't even know what love is
and if I'll need it someday, or give it a miss.

I believe you love people you grow up with for a while
because they walk with you, for miles.
and because we get attached, and used to them, and we're wired
to hate change, hate new, and adjusting makes us tired.
love at first sight is superstition. The ultimate myth.
I know I detest that myth, every bit.

But there are people. And people. who stay.
people. who can't go away.
people I need. People that watch me grow.
But don't ask me what love is, because I don't think I know.

Maybe someday I'll be with someone. like what others do.
Maybe someday I'll change how I feel about you
And even if I never say it, or believe it
We'll be in it, I suppose....A lot like love.

I fly like paper, get high like planes

2009-03-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

and this is my 100th post.

It has really been a remarkable day for me, dah-lings. So many simply amazing things happened today. And then I came back and discovered that this would be my 100th post. Life has a funny way of making small, minuscule things just..fall into place. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't smiling right now.

Let's start right at the beginning..There's Ping! and there's Perplexed, and they blog, and I read, and I've been reading, and at several points I remember thinking, "Man! We should meet up!".

It happened.

It was nothing like I expected it to be like, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was awesome. You see, I totally dig meeting new people, and I'd love to have a job someday that involved JUST that, but I'm back to digressing, so the point is that I was really looking forward to this. I told Mom, who didn't believe that I was going to be meeting two GIRL bloggers. I know, right? You just have to read their blogs to believe that they are girls, Mom!

So we initially planned to meet at Barista, then switched to Java city because it was too hot to sit outdoors and Java city has the A.C. I wouldn't know how hot it was, because I was late..as usual. Punnu thinks it's a disease that I will never recover from. Ah, what do you know...Punnu is right.

My first glimpse of them (ugh this sounds like some cheesy love story) was of two very tired people dying for some cool air. Perplexed looked nothing like her display picture (which, as I grew to understand, is a very smart thing to do.) It went really well, actually. She was friendly (and god knows I love friendly folk) and obviously smart, and really sweet. She also doesn't scare easy, given that she didn't pick up her (nice pink) heels (or flats) and run once we started truly being ourselves. Thanks for that, Perplexed!

I know ping from before, and I think I should do some marketing for her, too. So here goes...she is..wait for it...awesome.
(I think that's all she needs. She's happy now.)

Isn't it amazing, how I met a (almost) complete stranger (via blogging) on the day I write my Hundredth Blog post? We ate some pizza, had coffee (and even got a free pizza) and played some guitar hero, and finally, caught up with ADT and watched Little Zizou, which, by the way, I totally recommend for de-stressing. Nice, cute movie. I would put up a movie review, but that's more perplexed's thing, so I'm going to leave that to her.

(Perplexed, after all this, you'd better do some marketing for me, too. Otherwise I shall be oh-so-tempted to take off this post and I don't want to!)

So..a fun day! I've met people after I've read their writing before, and I've got to tell you..they almost never match with what you think they will be like. It's an amazing thing, meeting the person behind all those words and sentences. Some people say that meeting the writer really takes away from the hidden personality essence of the writing, but I think it only adds to it. I think of people as having two personalities..a writing one, and a speaking one. And sometimes they merge, sometimes they diverge. Either way, it's a neat way to know a person better.

It also turns out that we knew someone she knew..it's a small world after all, people! So, so small, that you cannot believe it. The world will show you just how small, sometime.

Oh, and..the movie had some stuff about blogging in it. I'm bordering on superstitious, but I love how everything came together today, making for yet another amazing sunday after Aero India 09. Oh, and the sunday of my trip to ThePlace. Every day on that trip was amazing. But oh, about the trip, I can go on and on and on.

But, ladies and gentlemen and creatures of all ages, that's reserved for another post, post the 100th post, sometime.

Until then, Good night! And meet someone new. I highly recommend it.

Its time to go...

2009-03-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

Because....

Happy birthday, Ping!
Happy birthday, Twinny!
Happy birthday, kee!
Happy birthday, sur!
Happy birthday, Pu!

Man, there are a lot of birthdays in march! More coming up, too!

March is also the month of
..vacations!
..rain, suddenly, in bangalore!
..meeting new people!

March looks awesome:)

P.S Perplexed, sorry about the confusion. Attributed to major lack of sleep!

Because I simply MUST say something

2009-03-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

Hello, darlings! It's been a while, hasn't it? For certain reasons, I don't want to blog about my holiday, but I'm dying to. I'm aching inside. I had the perfect holiday, and I want to write about it. But I can't. Not fully, anyway.

So I'll write in code.

So me, sut, key, sound, pU, vI, B, JJ, and as went to the place. Oh, how I would love to tell you what the place is, but you must, and hopefully will discover it for yourself. All I can say is that it trumps goa in terms of "laidback holiday". Trumps, and trumps real well.

So..We'd the perfect holiday. Beaches beaches and more beaches, swimming, j's, treks, walks, talks, and F.O.O.D and beach shacks and everything else. It was exactly what I wanted, way better than expected, and I hate being back.
It's going to take me a while to get used to being back, I think.

Things I learnt on the trip (and because lists are always lists)

.....................ALWAYS wear a seatbelt.

.....................ALWAYS monitor your state of mind.

.....................ALWAYS wear sunscreen.

.....................ALWAYS make a trip longer.
That way, you won't have to leave so goddamn early!

.....................ALWAYS lie as little as possible.

.....................ALWAYS be willing to try things. (whee!)

.....................DON'T ALWAYS be friendly and make new friends.
(Sutta, this one made you happy. no?)

.....................ALWAYS trust your instincts.

.....................ALWAYS go nuts!!

Trips with friends are always great because, you can do absolutely nothing and still have a great time, and you can also do a MILLION things and still not get tired. You see newer, madder, cuter sides to people.

I loved the laidback lifestyle. I don't know how I'll come back to reality, but my project sure is making sure I come back real soon!

Next trip, coming up..UDAIPUR!!! End of the month!

I can hardly wait.

This one's for more than the eyes

2009-02-16T05:34:00.000-08:00

I had an amazing weekend- Went to Aero India 09, which is totally worth seeing atleast once, and hung out with some people that I don't normally hang out with. Was great, just great. Ah, what I wouldn't do for sundays like those.

But monday is here and I'm way too tired(already) to even type. Besides, there are people out there who do a fantastic job on what they write/blog about, and so, I shall point you in the right direction if you'd like to read, for a bit.

Radhika's blog has a nice article on Abusive Men. Here it is:
Reduce, Abuse, Recycle.

Zubin Driver has a different take on the Pink-chaddi-Ram-Sene issue that I've ranted on about, with an interesting link to terrorism in India. Here it is:
How did Mutalik and the LeT crack our code?

Ever heard of the 7 more phenomenal wonders of the natural world? This article gave a neat explanation (finally) to one that I've seen many, many times at night. Yes, I'm talking about the moon being orange in colour. Check it out!
The 7(more!) Phenomenal wonders of the natural world

I'll be sure to post other stuff I find. You do the same.

courtesy Radhika, Varun and facebook.

When weather pervades your inbox

2009-02-13T11:57:00.000-08:00

Google really knows how to do it all. I've always been a weather person, and I never felt like talking about the weather was restricted to conversations that are dull and lifeless. I feel like the weather is very much a part of our everyday life..it changes our moods, affect how we look, what we wear, what we eat, and pretty much everything. For instance, when I went to bombay, my hair was icky and frizzy, my skin felt better, I didn't feel like wearing clothes that weren't cotton and I kept drinking juice and was generally more upbeat, but I also felt more unclean. Back in bangalore, a whole load of things changed.

When gmail introduced their themes for the inbox, I was happy but I never really gave it much interest..I just picked something called "desk" with the hope that it would make me feel professional. Today, for the first time, I actually checked out the themes they have..and they're awesome! I particularly like "tree", because it changes based on the weather in your city! That's really fun, actually...because you can identify your surroundings with it. Funky! I liked "pebbles" and "graffiti" and "planets" and "ninja" and..the list goes on. Needless to say, google's done it again. I'm yet to meet someone that doesn't like google.
It's just hard, because they come up with stuff that no one can really have any objection to.

Google is awesome, because the weather pervaded my inbox, because gmail is easy and uncluttered and simple, because my one google id works for so many applications, because I don't go a single day without using their search engine (what did people do for everyday queries before google? who did they ask?), because I can check out a book before I buy it without getting out of the house, because I can find directions to anyplace, anytime, and because of so many other reasons.

What's your favourite theme?

Bell Bajao

2009-02-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

Speaking of campaigns, here's another one. This one has been around for longer than the Pink Chaddi Campaign. I wanted to blog about it a while back, and somehow, I didn't end up doing it.

But someone else has Blogged about it, and iceman's done a great job, so..I'm just going to provide you with the link to his Post. I think you should read it, whether you've heard of the campaign already or not. You should also popularize it..any additional buzz is good! Blogs are great at it, too.

Before you read, watch this ad..

and now...

Read!

Tagged!

2009-02-10T06:54:00.001-08:00

I've been tagged! It's something quite simple, really, but fun!
Sure gives you something to post about:) I got tagged by perplexed. (Thanks!)
Basically, if you've been tagged (by me), you've to take the sixth picture from your sixth images/pictures folder and write about that picture. So if you've been tagged, find that picture and post!

I'm smiling. I really am.

This picture was taken in goa, when sutta, sound, minks, kee and me hit Goa! I think..two years ago! It was such a laid-back, fun trip. What you're seeing is what we attacked every morning..it's called the Chocolate Breakfast at Britto's on Baga beach- which became our favourite by far. We were hooked, the minute we got to the place. You get a cup of hot chocolate and a nice, dreamy, creamy chocolate mousse cake. And trust me, that is by far the BEST way to start a day.

So the fun part was..I couldn't actually finish my breakfast, but since it was so good, I'd keep shoving it in, anyway. So i'd be saying "Man, I can't eat another morsel!", while I'd be eating my head off! I even ate up the others' breakfasts, all the while saying that I was just going to die if I ate any more! My friend Radhika once kept calling cake "lovecake" in an attempt to get people to eat it at a party..and I did the same for the breakfast in goa!
I just couldn't bear to see chocolate ANYTHING go to waste.

Anyway, its still fun for the girls to talk about..reminding me of the glutton and hypocrite ways of mine. Cannot eat anymore but still will!

Goa was where we came up with the ritual..our ritual for those days was going to Baga near sunset, everyday, and just sitting on the beach with good food and drinks we'd picked up. It was fantastic. Ah, the ritual. We even tried some sort of revival thing once we came back, but the ritual still remains to be continued in true goa style.

And when it does, you can be assured that there will be a post on it:)

I'm passing on the tag to Radhika, Aradhana, arnika, stargazer, Akaash and shruti.
And Hiroshima, if you'd like to start blogging then I'm tagging you too. (Idea for your first post!)

Take THAT!!

2009-02-10T06:34:00.000-08:00

If you've been reading my last two posts (and don't worry if you haven't), you should know by now that I cannot stand what is happening in India right now- women are being treated like rubbish. Beings composed of nothing but rubbish that is meant to be subdued, tortured, molested, hit, told what to do, and treated like what some extremist groups think they are-rubbish.
And it sure helps that the government is just sitting on its sorry ass.

But, there is something we can do. A WHOLE lot of campaigns have been springing up, from sending Mr Mutalik a whole bunch of Valentine's day cards, to going to a pub on Valentine's day and ordering ANYTHING-even juice. I love that people aren't taking the truck load of hell being flung at us, sitting down.

Presenting--the pink chaddi campaign! If you agree with my views on what's happening so far, Make SURE you check out this site..

CHECK IT OUT!!

That's a great space to get you started on flinging back something to Mr Mutalik. Buy a dirt-cheap pink chaddi. Heck, buy many. And send them to him.
Because finally, there's atleast something we can do.
I think the folks who came up with this are doing a phenomenal job. It's an absolutely brilliant idea. I think we should also find a delivery guy who will fling all the chaddis at the dude and holler, "Take that, *****!!!"

I am truly proud of my fellow Indians. Kudos.

The consortium of Pubgoing, Loose and Forward women also have a facebook group..details are on the link I've already provided. Join, folks!
You don't have to be pubgoing or loose to join..those are just terms meant to annoy the very groups that accuse women of being nothing but that..you just have to want women to lead actual lives in India!

I'm all set to send Pink Chaddis.
I hope you are, too!

Because we all want to get married, on the roads..

2009-02-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

With Strangers by our side. Hey, folks..weddings are expensive, recession is here, and saving money is in. I've been reading enough and more about Brides renting out their white gowns, simply because second-hand in white-bridal-gown-land is more like been-worn-only-for-a-few-hours-and-never-again-hand. Good sense will always prevail.

Come to bangalore and experience a recession like no other- in terms of our emotional stability. Why spend millions on a fabulous wedding when the oh-so-esteemed Shri Ram Sena (which must make Lord Ram want to crack every sena-dude's skull) will marry you and your boyfriend/girlfriend on the roads if they happen to see you on valentine's day? My, my..looks like there are other people in the world who hate Valentine's day even more than me.

Yes, folks..my country is going to the dogs as we speak. Democracy is a facade while the rest of the country wastes its precious time arguing about how Slumdog Millionaire, a perfectly decent film, portrays India negatively and it's wrong (SO tempted to make my next post on that. What the heck- I will.) We're silently ignoring (By we I mean YOU, Mr yeddy..our oh-so-wow chief Minister. How can you not Ban these louts?! You are, in every way, SO UNFIT to be chief minister and I'm sure more than half the state thinks that by now.)

Wow. There is so much that's wrong around me that I'm digressing. I don't know what to vent on first!

Anyway, so..the Sena will get you married on the roads. While we're supposed to be a cosmopolitan city that celebrates diversity, we're so backward, that a sena (read Pig-heads) considers it ok, at this point in time, to marry off couples that are going out. The very same Sena, that won't ban blue films like "Doodhwaali" because they cannot ban that which will pleasure their pig-brains. So they'll ban civilian life, instead.
Charming.

So..I'm gearing up for Valentine's day by making my own pepper spray. Apparently even shops selling cards will be targeted. And this has been calmly said in the papers. Our chief minister is still snoring, or farting, or GOD alone knows what, as he ignores all of this madness.

I'm single and thank god..but I sure hope the couples that don't want a fabulous cheap wedding on India's streets decide to stay put.

Valentine's day for couples is way too cheesy anyway.

Here's to spreading the love, and going back to pre-historic human behaviour.

Champion

2009-02-02T08:13:00.000-08:00

Even Nadal-supporters-all-the-way felt that prick. It's the prick you get in your eyes when greatness is right in front of you, but that greatness seems different. It seems..subdued, lost. In hiding.
Worse, it seems defeated.

Roger Federer is a man most of us have never met in person, but we've seen enough and heard enough to believe that he is greatness, and I'm not really talking about tennis. It's obvious that he's incredibly hard working, and that's enough for me. Enough to consider someone as the personification of greatness. Life can only give you so much, but Federer grabbed all he had, with both hands, and any other way he could. He's been friendly, humble, sensible and a delight, even, in interviews. It's obvious that he loves what he does, and he's phenomenal at it. He even possesses a certain easy, quick grace when he plays..something most players find hard to emulate. He's a champion all the way. He even makes all swiss people look good (Haha! Yes, someone's told me that they've found the already nice swiss-people to be even nicer once they first discovered Federer is swiss)

And to watch a champion like that cry because what he wanted suddenly seemed out of his reach is a feeling like no other. People felt like it was them, on the courts, who hadn't won. The collective sadness is incredible, and it's hard to explain. I don't know if he knew, but Roger Federer wasn't alone that day.
He wasn't alone at all.

Some people say he is now officially on the down-slide, because he's been defeated five times by the other great Champion, the Spaniard who consoled him. Some people say the felt like they were watching the demise of his greatness.
I feel like the hallmark of a great champion, is his comeback.

I respect Roger Federer all the more, because he is man enough, heck..human enough, to cry in front of practically the whole world watching. I respect him not because he's phenomenal on the courts, but because he's shown the whole world that he's a human being, and he can handle it. This doesn't mean that I don't respect people who don't cry publicly, but for a champion to cry, and handle it, is just something else. Sure, I'm assuming he had no other option in this case. He couldn't dash off somewhere, and he probably couldn't control himself. It was downright misery, and I felt defeated watching him cry- I don't remember the last time I felt that defeated. Either way..just because he cried, doesn't mean he stops being a champion in so many eyes.

Its unfortunate that this has been blown out of proportion, the crying, but I can understand..I'm blogging about it, aren't I? Parents and friends cry with you when you win, or when you lose and you cry, right? I guess that's an even bigger compliment to Mr. Federer- he's got friends the world over.

Nadal is breathtakingly brilliant in his own right, but the champion is going to make a comeback. I believe that, and it keeps me going. It will keep everyone going, and more than anything else..it sure will make tennis even more interesting when it does.

The Mangalore Marathon

2009-01-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, it did happen. I'd really like to Blog about my vacation instead, but women are women, and solidarity comes first. We can count on this nation to redefine democracy every single time, to the extent of me putting this before my trip. Congratulations, my fellow Indians, specifically many, many men, for behaving like the stinking mound of crap that no amount of education and exposure will ever sterilize. Pride yourselves on this- Being hindus, not only have you completely failed to understand hinduism, you've also simultaneously managed to revert India back to the years of yore, when girl-child was a bad word.

What did you expect, the bravery award?

For those of you who still need an introduction, Mangalore's pub..Amnesia, I think, was raided by around 40 men (my facts are not perfect, and that's not what this post is about. Use google.) These bloody mongrels are from the so-called Sri Ram Sena, a group that not only brings total disgrace to the name of Lord Ram, it also justifies the later part of the name- Sena. An army of people, with hypocrisy and testosterone running in their veins, and so-called religion running in their stupid minds.

Normal women who were in the pub that day were beaten, molested, harassed, and there are videos all over the place of them running, running the marathon of their lives. These dastardly men, with their gonads for brains. It is pretty clear that they won't be reading this, for I'm sure they don't possess what it takes to READ, let alone use the internet, but I'm going to vent anyway.

ISSUE #1: What the heck do you know about hinduism?
So, men can do whatever the hell they want. These very same Sena Ass-wipes must we be drinking their heads off, or even dealing with ganja and narcotics. Who the hell knows? When the head of the narcotics control department in India deals in drugs, anything is possible. And Hinduism has nothing to do with pubs or drinking. The religion couldn't care less, as long as you're a decent human being, something our Sena Ass-wipes never learnt.

ISSUE #2: Again, what do you know about hinduism? Bloody idiots.
Last time I checked, folks..Molesting women wasn't recommended in ANYthing to do with hinduism. Neither was taking over law and order when it wasn't your place. You condemn women for just sitting in a pub, but god will bless you when you try grabbing them everywhere? Stupid louts. Don't you have mothers? Poor them.

ISSUE #3: The media that..did nothing.
Seriously, you HELP people in distress before you tape them getting molested! Idiots! Can't you buy someone else's video? Would you have taped your sister or mother getting molested? You should all be jailed.

ISSUE #4: This has become a political issue.
So, dear politicians, lets see your mother or sister get molested, and you being forced to sit there and watch the idiots on tv argue about politics instead of having some justice prevail. While you're in jail.
Looking forward to that, really.

Mera Bharat Mahan.
Too bad we've a population of some humans, and a million sexually frustrated, smelly, pompous ass-wipe goats.
And that's a grave insult to goats everywhere.

I hope you all die, suckers.

Hello, hey

2009-01-13T00:11:00.000-08:00

So far, I've been super busy. Doing nothing, really..but..I've yet to feel bored. I always have enough and more that I've got happening!For instance, adt and the girls(:)) stayed over all weekend! And I've played so much wii (and watched wii playing) that I cannot look at it anymore! Anyone want to gift me new games? Will be much appreciated!

I've also got people coming over for two consecutive dinners (thanks to my super-social parents!) and a lot of gossip girl to watch! (Yeah, i thought it was lame right at the beginning too, but now I'm addicted to it! It's so weird, this transformation!) and I've a whole lot more of tv shows to watch, and beat this- I'm running out of time! In the holidays! Weird, eh?

I've also got a trip coming up..udaipur, from 20th to 27th! Those of you who are sick of my blogging, say yay! I will not be posting during that time.
Which is why I must keep these filler-posts coming right now.

See you soon-est!

~Me

januarythesecond,twothousandnine

2009-01-02T05:23:00.000-08:00

I've just had a fabulous one hour- I caught up on all the blogs that I hadn't read in what can only be rightly describes as ages. This is fun. I got to see what they've been going through for the last couple of weeks. Good, eh? This blogging thing..yeah, it has some serious perks for people who like to read and write.

Anyway, happy new year! I'd actually show more enthusiasm, either by the liberal use of the ever-popular '!' or by putting up some google image of a sunrise, or fireworks or a champagne bottle. But, consider this- I didn't get to celebrate on New Years Eve. I'd an exam on jan 1st (gag moi. gag, gag, gag) and my celebrations happened last night. It was great really, all spontaneous and great. Us, my friends and I, aren't very good with the spontaneous planning. Simply because we all live in different worlds. So when we do manage to, well, (for lack of a better term) spontaneously hang out, it is brilliant.
Lets just say that I'm still recovering. *snigger*

Goodbye, 2008! The ever-clichéd 'good things and bad things' list is something I'd love to do, but my memory has just said tata buh-bye and vanished. Overall, I managed to get two jobs (one which I will definitely not get a call-letter for any time in the near future), I managed to pass RIA this semester (trust me- now THAT was torture) and I've had great fun..I will miss being in college. Being in final semester is just very very pathetic. Boy, does time fly. Supersonic speeds, at that.

On the flip side, I've truly made a mockery of what cannot even be classified as a CAT effort, I haven't lost weight and I haven't learnt how to manage time properly. I wish I could come up with some more fun things, but I can't. I know, I'm that pathetic. I've also embarrassed myself on way too many occasions, but I like myself even more for such things.
*snigger again*

January is looking pretty peachy, what with two trips arriving on the horizon yet again, ambition in the air and yes..I changed my blog name! Its more me, that's why. Why didn't I change it before? I have no idea. Maybe holidays makes you do things you'd ordinarily never do. I have no idea.

Also, also. People can be extremely different sometimes. And you know what I don't like? People who state the obvious ALL the time. Here's the best part- I do that a lot. I am going to change that. It annoys me beyond reason.

I also don't like people who have screen-names like 'Anon'. If that's your actual name, I'm sorry. If it isn't, I really don't know what to say- looks like the pathetic fuzzy set has lots of contenders.
(courtesy fuzzy logic. I've had a serious overdose of studying in december.)

Here's to yet another new year that doesn't feel like one, many many instances of writing 2008 by mistake, and to 2010..because there is NO way I will be studying on 31st dec, 2009.

And there was light...

2008-11-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

Nov 28, 2008

It is a story that keeps people awake at night.
People everywhere.

People inside luxury Five-Star hotels. People inside hovels and slums, because their families worked in those hotels. People in one bedroom apartments.
People in other countries.
People inside a newspaper's office. People on the streets.
People who have family members in the armed forces.
People who have no-one, any more.

Terrorism occurs with a purpose. One that is often mis-interpreted. Often widely-publicised. Sometimes, concealed. Sometimes, speculated about.
I wish I could say every kind of terrorism has a common thread. It does, but it is a common knife. A knife that often defeats the very purpose terrorists have in mind, in the first place.
Because somehow, somewhere..their purpose takes second place.

The purpose takes second place. Second place to the suffering, the healing, the destruction, the pain. The anger and the hatred. Long after a tragic disaster like the Bombay Tragedy of now, people are going to remember what precisely what some group wanted, where each member came from or what their main objective was.
But they will remember who, and what they lost first.

And that's where terrorism fails in its objective. Terrorism does more than invoke terror- it invokes hatred. People aren't going to sit in their houses and be afraid forever. People are going to get hurt, be crushed and wake up and move on. People are going to hate terrorists for what they've done, and sooner than later, people are going to seek revenge. By peaceful means or not. Whether it means joining the armed forces because they want to save their country, or becoming a journalist and being on the scene to give people information, or writing about it, or just plain waking up every morning and boarding a train in a station that still reeks of blood from innocent people and the fumes from an unfair gunshot. People are going to get up, and fight in whatever way they find best. People aren't going to sit at home and be terrorized forever.

Terrorism fails in its second objective too- it doesn't bring people apart. Maybe in this case it will have diplomatic consequences for international business in India, but the truth always prevails. Other countries aren't quite as naive to think that this was the work of Indians who are happy with their economic growth. Other countries read newspapers. They make calls. They get news.
And they will know that what lies beneath, is a work of destruction that was consequence to them not because people like me, people like the CEOs of companies in India wanted it that way.

Terrorism is already bring people together. Everybody is reading the same newspaper now, watching the same TV channel, grieving at the same news. Watchman and Business Official will walk hand-in-hand, out the doors of torture together. Everyone's suddenly the same. Everyone's the same in the eyes of fire.

We all wish that terrorists would try and achieve their objectives through firm and peaceful means, means that anyone would much prefer, including them. It'd work best for them, too, because their primary objective wouldn't be taking second place to the madness the create. They may walk around in their jeans and backpacks, without giving a damn about the world, but guess what? The world now doesn't give two hoots about them. Life always has its own way of throwing the boomerang right back at people.

I guess the only way we can fight this, is to fire up, with a determination to beat this in whatever small way we can. When an incident teaches children everywhere NOT to pick up a packet and return it to someone who dropped it, lest it might be a bomb, lets show them that alertness is good, but life doesn't always have to be like that. It is all we can do really, try to fight the fire with an extinguisher. There's not much point fighting fire with fire. Everyone burns.

And when terrorism strikes, when they light a match, there is a fire. A fire that burns many hearts, many lives, many dreams.
A fire that also displays light. A blazing, destructive light, but a light nonetheless. A light we can use, to find a path that's a parallel path to this madness.
Because Parallel lines never meet.

Sheer poetry

2008-11-24T10:53:00.000-08:00

This is how much I like this poem- I'm posting about it on the eve of my exam!
Anyway, the Highwayman by Alfred Noyes is one of my all time favourite poems..we had it in school and something about it just took me, forever. And I have this sudden urge to spill, and you, you silly person..if you've never read this poem then be ashamed! And read on. If you have, tell me what your favourite part is and I will be pleased.

The Highwayman

By Alfred Noyes

Part One
                               I
The wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
The road was a ribbon of moonlight, over the purple moor,
And the highwayman came riding-
               Riding-riding-
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

                               II
He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin;
They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh!
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
               His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

                               III
Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
And he tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
               Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

                               IV
And dark in the old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked;
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,
But he loved the landlord's daughter,
               The landlord's red-lipped daughter,
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say-

                               V
"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,
Then look for me by moonlight,
               Watch for me by moonlight,
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."

                               VI
He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
               (Oh, sweet black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonlight, and galloped away to the West.

Part Two
                               I
He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon;
And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon,
When the road was a gipsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor,
A red-coat troop came marching-
               Marching-marching-
King George's men came marching, up to the old inn-door.

                               II
They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead,
But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed;
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!
There was death at every window;
               And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through the casement, the road that he would ride.

                               III
They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest;
They bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast!
"Now keep good watch!" and they kissed her.
               She heard the dead man say-
Look for me by moonlight;
               Watch for me by moonlight;
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

                               IV
She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till here fingers were wet with sweat or blood!
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like
years,
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
               Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

                               V
The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest!
Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast,
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
               Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain.

                               VI
     Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs
ringing clear;
Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did
not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding,
               Riding, riding!
The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up strait and still!

                               VII
Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night
!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
               Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him-with her death.

                               VIII
He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood
Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood!
Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear
How Bess, the landlord's daughter,
               The landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

                               IX
Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
               Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with a bunch of lace at his throat.

       *       *       *       *       *       *

                               X
And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding-
               Riding-riding-
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

                               XI
Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard,
And he taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred;
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
               Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

Finger-rub

2008-11-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

You were the only one who could ever get it right. Nobody ever knew, ever knew that my absolute favourite thing was to have you just take my fingers and lightly press them in yours. Sometimes I'd pretend to have written a long essay or exam, or typed out hundreds of lines of code. Just so you'd be willing to give me that finger rub.

And every night I'd call you to rescue me. From the darkness and the shadows that gleamed, dormant in my mind. You'd walk across fear of your own, to alleviate some of mine. I don't know anyone else who I'd call at 4 A.M, and know that they'd come even after staying up many nights with twelve submissions underway.
Others would tell me I'm seeing things. You'd hold me and tell me that they wouldn't hurt me.

The only real room-mate I've ever had. You're the only one I can count on for an honest opinion. I never knew it then, but when we lived together you understood my need for space and companionship better than anyone else ever will.
Its probably why you're the only person who's seen me change my clothes.

I never really understood you. I preferred to let you have your way, and I let you come to me. That's how it has always been, really...you coming to me. When you did come, I'd try to push you away.
But you still always came. I don't know how you know that if you'd stopped, a part of me would've died.

You're my best secret-keeper.
And I'm spending my entire life trying to be like you.

I can sit with you in complete silence for hours, and know that we're both comfortable. I don't ever have to say anything to you to make us work. We were born to be together, and yet we couldn't be more different.

When you're in pain, or sick, I know it sounds strange but..I actually feel lousy myself. It's like when the strong sunshine hides beneath gray clouds.

You're my wall. You're so normal, so simple, so unpretentious.
My rock.

No-one else will ever come close to you. Ever. You've taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

From drawing in my records to copying my notebooks to giving me the low-down on my friends.
From hiding my books to buying me chocolate fudge just because I finished a hard exam, to switching off the television because I'm supposed to have priorities.
From downloading every song I've ever wanted, to cooking for me. Even though I've never done these things for you.
From doing everything to calm me down when I hyperventilate
to secretly looking up to me

You saw through my lies.truly celebrated my victories.
truly suffered my defeats.

You're numero uno on my list of people.
And I treat you like you're last.

But we work, because we're silently in love. So much unsaid, that just typing this makes me choke up. We don't say we love each other. We don't have anniversaries, dates. We don't celebrate the day we met each other.

You've made me truly love you, without any frills. No awws and muahs, no "You're my favourite person".

You've seen all my dark.
And you love me anyway.

You understand the meanings of words I make up on the spot.

And when you sleep, I want to pounce on you and wake you up.
Just so you're in my life again.

My very own mailpaper

2008-11-17T22:07:00.000-08:00

What does a good wannabe-journalist do? Report..very good! I do not (and SO wish I did) possess the ability to write stunning pieces that drip with intelligence, sharp observation and sarcasm, and make the wrong people (or right? err...) squirm in their seats and wish the earth would swallow them alive. Yes, some people know that the pen is a sword, and they've learnt how to use it well and truly. With panache.
So until I get there, I'm going to do the next best thing. That's right. Report.

I recently got this really nice e-mail, (courtesy whisky..happy time:) to you!) and I believe that even though I didn't write it, people should see it. It's downright simple and kind of fun. Really. And here's the best part- its true.

The Ant & the Grasshopper

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer ,building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

presenting.....The Indian Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bharat Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath '.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..

Hundreds of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
And ss a result of losing a lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!

Lollipops and disney movies are my favourite things

2008-11-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Darn. I just gave away practically EVERYTHING in the title itself. Anyway, I've never really been very good with titles. I just write (type, actually) and then whatever pops into my head becomes the title. Or there isn't any title at all.

Anyway, today is children's day, November 14th. I might be old enough to be considered as out-of-category here, but heck, happy children's day to all the child-like people out there! I'm aware that my posts of late are very melancholy-ish and not exactly exuding joy, but in this post, be aware that I'm trying. I'm trying very hard.

So, let the festivities (don't cough, already) begin!

I've decided to dedicate this post to Walt Disney, without whom my childhood would've taken some innately boring turns. I'd also like to thank a hundred authors and some more movie-makers and TV-show writers but hey..all that's another post!:)

Continuing with my list fetish, Disney movies, that I believe, warrant some serious consideration for children of all ages (God help you if you don't come under this category.)

'The three Caballeros, three gay caballeros, they say we are birds of a feaatherrrrrrr!' A caballero is a spanish gentleman. See, how you can have fun AND learn at the same time?!

Don't tell me that this sight doesn't bring even a little bit of FEAR to your brain.
Mind-blowing animation, this.

They're fast, they're furious, they're...not to be missed!

*speechless*

"Ducktales! Woohoo!"
They're cute, they're searching for treasure, and that alone was enough.

Now, if only everyone really learnt that lying is bad for you as well as this little guy did.

Doesn't this make you go awww?? No? What's wrong with you?
The jungle book. A collector's item.

The aristocats is a clever movie for absolutely ANY mood.
Many people haven't watched it, so if you haven't, make sure you're exempted from the loser brigade.

Everyone's favourite british nanny in Mary Poppins.
Super-cali-fragi-listic-expi-ali-docious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious If you say long enough you'll always sound precocious Super-cali-fragi-listic-expi-ali-docious!

music grade- A

Pocahontas. Woman of the world.
Much like women of today!

Sleeping beauty was adorable, but what I really liked were these three fairies.
Disney people are geniuses.

Alice in wonderland. The mad tea party.
Lewis Carroll interpreted in true Disney style.

Don't we all still want a genie?
I can show you the world...romantic melody learnt early!Hah! Wannabes.

The beauty and the beast is one of disney's finest. Easily. You cannot help but feel like a million bucks after watching this.

..it even inspired Vogue. See?

Only disney can make a movie about a mermaid, and make you seriously believe that they might exist (for a few years).

Another classic.

Voted as one of the biggest tear-jerkers of all time.
And bambi and thumper refined friendship.

'Bambi' is also a commonly used term, now. (if you watch TV)

Disney won An oscar and seven little oscars for this one.
Every single dwarf won hearts. This very scene, Cinderella and the glass slipper, is what inspired modern day flirting rituals, such as dropping a perfumed hanky, and the bend and snap!

Apparently, Disney started selling Wedding gowns that will fulfil your long-lived Disney-princess gown dreams. Here's the Cinderella wedding gown.
Talk about living your childhood dream!

The best was saved for last. This movie taught me everything.
The songs were absolutely mind-blowing, too.

All hail disney.
Because I haven't even touched the tip of the BEST ice-berg, ever.

eighth

2008-11-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

'Twas not included in the seven deadly ones,
but she knew better. There were comparisons.
And they battered her up, they made her bitter
she fell prey to them, those foul sinners.
And she threw that remote, the only pointing knife
to those girls on television. It might as well had been
pointing straight at her, for that's all they'd seen.
pretty faces and straight legs, the only benchmark
that seemed to exist for the person who was stark
naked in persona, staring them in the face
with all her loveliness, fallen from grace.

they'd claimed to never have been exposed
to these sides of her. these people, inside.
but that was their fault, they don't let me be, she claimed.
with a barcode for everything, the speakers take blame.
she's smarter and taller and prettier and popular
and why you're not her
all it did, was bite her.

everything laden with guilt. from roasted almonds
and tv shows and poetry sheets and ice-cream cones
even sticks and stones didn't hurt her bones
this much. her vanity, with no space on the shelf
and worst of all, she losing herself.
midnight wandered in, a typist friend
both befriended, both at wits end

solace was talking, cool air listening
and the letters that were the only things
around her that weren't falling apart.
because she wasn't looking at what she'd got
she'd learnt to view only everything she was not.

escape forbidden, and tantrums made way
for less tiresome ways to crust-cover her day
parched glands, emotional hands
and the distant dream, of a fabulous
life, just like she'd seen
and pray
that it'd stay.

Smile, and the world smiles with you.
Cry, and someone might empathise on a Blog.

Know

2008-11-11T03:57:00.000-08:00

I want you to tell me when you need me. So that I can be there for you. But you have to let me. Let me find you when you purposely got lost, call you when you'd rather not talk, buy you lunch when you'd rather not eat. You have to let me talk, after I listen. So that you know I haven't been breathing away in despair, knowing that a wall could do better. You have to truly tell me what scares you, what frightens you. So that I can attempt to chase those monsters away. You shouldn't care that I might do it with just a tissue. Sometimes tissues, if snapped really hard, can hurt like a whip.

You can't not thank me. But you have to thank me with your eyes, with your face, with your voice. Not with a message. Not with pretense. You can't assume that I will be there for you because you want me to. I will be there for you because I know I want to.

You have to unfold. Stories are like that, the unfold in pages and chapters and paragraphs and conversations. I have to be able to read you like a book. You can re-tell any para you want, read it differently, bring it to life differently. But you can't make me read you in a day. You've to give me time, so that I remember the book. Long, long after I've put it down.

You also have to be gripping. Gripping stories, are those you want to stay up and read forever. And yet, they unfold. So well, that you read, and read, satisfying a hunger you never even knew existed before. You have to create that hunger, and then satisfy it.

You have to lie. gracefully, and subtly, and yet so badly that I know you're lying and appreciate the fact that you're not afraid to tell me white lies just so my rose glasses seem rosier. But if I believe you well and truly, you have to know when to actually stop lying and tell me the truth. Not because i want you to. Because rosy isn't my favourite colour for too long.

You have to call me. Call me with a pressing, painful thing you just have to talk about, and yet ask me how I am. And talk about me, for as long as I like. Knowing fully that I will not do that to you, I will not let that happen for too long, even if you try.

You have to know when to back off. Back off when I feel like you won't understand, not when I need someone to sympathise. Understand when I need someone to help me draw up my back-up plans instead of telling me the main ones will go fine. And still, bug me and hound me and call me even though you know I'd rather you back off. Because you know that you actually backing off would be the last thing I need.

You have to read this and realise, that I'm not writing about you, and I'm not crazy, and I didn't mean to write this up and put this on the internet, but sometimes I like writing these sour cream things, and I did mean to write this and put this up, not so you can read it and think I'm writing about you, because I'm not.

But you should know that if you want this to be about you, it can.

Eef you come today...

2008-11-06T10:35:00.000-08:00

Rajkumar is awesome. The silly, materialistic, childish me thought so only because him being kidnapped, poor guy, got us holidays for a VERY long time. But wait! Don't kill me just yet. As I grew older and maturity, good sense, and all that jazz prevailed, I started to come to terms with how amazing he really is. Only he can bring out the true convivial nature of a kannadiga, someone who truly means it when he says, 'banni, enjoy maadi.'
Only he can make an otherwise outrageous song, seem..well..outrageous.
But in a TOTALLY different way.

First I shall provide you with the lyrics:

Eef you come today it's too early
Eef you come tomarrow it's too late
Eef you come today it's too early.
Eef you come tomaarrow it's too late.
You pick the taaaaaaime
tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick tick daaaaaaahrling!

Eef you come today...

Paaa Paaa...

Did you say morning? no, no it's not good
Did you say evening ? no, no it's too bad
Did you say noon ? no, no it's not the time
Whaat did you say? whaat did you say ?nothing? oh it's all right
You pick the taaaaaime... tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick daaarrling!

Eef you come today...

Million times beating my heart
Million dreams haunt my heart
Million desires spring in my heart
Million memories squeeze my heart
You pick the taaaaaime tick tick tick tick tick tick a-tick tick tick tick tick tick

now, enjoy!!!

watch this HERE

TRUE brilliance, right? You just have to agree with me. That will make you smile on the worst, worst day.

Speaking of tick, tick, the minutes are ticking away to CAT, the monster of an exam, the ultimate CATastrophe coming up? And if you're the sort of person who enjoys countdowns and adrenaline pumping in, check out the CAT clicker on THIS site..

09 Days, 09 Hours, 39 Minutes, 06 Seconds.

as of now.

I know. Scary, huh? And instead of studying, look what I'm doing!
Sigh. Too late to be helping moi now.

So I shall get back to eef you come today..

Good night and good luck everyone!

Snap, Snap

2008-11-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

Na na na nah (Snap, Snap)
Na na na nah (Snap, Snap)

Na na na nah, Na na na nah
Na na na nah (Snap, Snap)

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum.
When people come to see 'em
They really are a screa-um.
The Addams Family.

Neat

Sweet

Petite

So get a witch's shawl on.
A broomstick you can crawl on.
We're gonna pay a call on
The Addams Family.

hanna barbera = lifetime achivement.
thank you, adt.

Title for a post. Post for a title.

2008-11-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

Dumb, very dumb, oh SO dumb title for this post. I know.

But my fingers are happy. Joyous. There's just this convivial relationship that my fingers and charlie share. (Psst...charlie's my laptop. I know. You were either somewhat excited or somewhat disappointed. If neither, you come in my favourite list for you have been reading!)

Diwali came and diwali went. And Well, its been quite a ridiculous week. For starters, I saw two movies, both thoroughly abominable, execrable, impertinent. (Ah, not-so-small words. NOTHING else makes you sound both unbearably intelligent and pompous at the same time. Have you ever realised how very smart people always use bigger words where simple ones will suffice? Its both a good thing and a bad thing. And yes, its also an amusing thing. They can say non-secular, but will they stop themselves from saying ecclesiastical? Noooooo.)

So..fashion. With all due respect, let me begin and end by saying that I may not be Madhur Bhandarkar, but I truly and honestly believe that I can make a better movie about the Indian fashion industry with priyanka chopra, even after never having set foot in it.

So..Roadside Romeo. Bad choice, disney. Bad, bad choice.
Romeo and Laila are JUST like my two friends who recently hooked up. Just like them. Its almost wonderfully scary.

I've tons of really good ideas for posts but none that can be executed given my present sleepy, droopy state. Life can be way too complex. Wow. Yuck, even. Bloom asked me, yesterday, "It isn't supposed to be this hard sometimes. Is it?"
These aphorisms, passed down from god-knows-where to us, making us believe that we deserve better. They've spoiled us, no? We all believe things shouldn't be this bad. I know I do. Are we narcissistic as a race or do we really deserve better? Do we deserve to go through mind-numbing hell just so we appreciate the good times? Rosh told me we do. But black and white prevails, and grey suddenly seeps in. And throw all this philosophy, X said, we do deserve better.
Ah. Different people, and different views during different conversations on the same things.
And I've confused you, I presume.

I'm in a weird mood, which is evident. I'm pretty sure I'll come up with a far better, less eclectic (ha!) post in a bit. For now, you'll have to bear with my idiosyncrasies.

lights

camera

action!

Genetic Cocktail

2008-10-25T10:15:00.001-07:00

Why do some people have certain abilities? I'm not talking heroes type abilities here, just..the extra awesome things some people are born with. Some people call this being gifted. Some say a greater percentage of that person's brain (left or right) is being used, and better. Some say it has a lot to do with the person's environment and bringing up patterns.
Some call this luck. Some call it destiny.

I call it a genetic cocktail.

You know how some drinks are better than the others, some drinks are more well known, some drinks are liked instantly and some others call for an acquired taste? Some impress immediately. Some have more body. Some are just made of higher quality ingredients.
Different people prefer different drinks, yes. But some have a long-standing success rate at bars.

I believe that people are just like the drinks they like.

Some people are born with a sharp, well flavoured, well blessed genetic cocktail. Their genes quite literally, arrive and perform at command. These people are generally the exceptionally talented, exceptionally gifted, exceptionally successful ones. Their cocktail is good, and it only keeps getting better with work and practice.

Now..why does the bartender of life give the elixir type cocktail only to a select few? Worse..when he did dish these out, was I passed out or sleeping or already chugging away on a regular, boring old drink?

2008-10-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

*Whining alert*

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm having a totally miserable time. I don't know how to get it out of my system and move on, so I figured atleast blogging about it would help marginally, if not more. I tried pretending it didn't exist, I tried distracting myself, but here's the thing, you can only distract yourself with something that's better. Not by something you're supposed to be doing. I've tried, believe me.

In essence, I've fully figured out that I've no life, I'm going to BOMB this disappoint everyone around me, but oh so much worse- myself. I'm going to finish my own perfectly capable self off with this exam, and I'm going to blow my self-confidence and self worth to smithereens. Okay, so all that doesn't hang on one exam, but I'm in a very dramatic frame of mind right now.

I'm looking for one teeny ray of sunshine, and My shades are so dark, blinded by darkness that I can't find one.

I so hope that this, too, will pass.

The moolah is cool-ah!

2008-10-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

Put yourself in..well, your shoes. What matters most to you? Typical (and over-done, it seems) answers would be family, friends, your better (or not!) half, your reputation, peace with yourself, success, your happiness. Right. Right?
Or did money come first in that list?

I'll be honest and say that money is very, very important. Very. I cannot stress this enough. I know this truly, truly well, and all the more because I live in a country where poverty is commonplace- you only need to step out of your house to see people writhing their lives away in it. Money is crucial for the betterment of an existence. Money is necessary for survival. Money is the first thing anyone in their right minds would associate with a better quality of life.

But the mastercard AD certainly got one thing very, very right..There are some things money can't buy. Atleast, I certainly think so.
Money can buy you a degree in India- but it cannot buy you an education. Money can buy you medical insurance, but mental peace is still far, far away. It can buy your friends a round of drinks at the bar, but it can't get you their loyalty and trust. It can make you look snazzy, scorching hot, but it can't buy you love (famous, oh-too-famous words.) It can buy your dad a new car, but it can't make him love you more.
It can buy you a big house, but It can't fill people who genuinely give a a tiny hoot about you, in it.

But the people who come on the precariously indifferent "Moment of truth" don't seem to think any of these things. The show should probably be called Sex, lies and Lie-detector. Episode after episode, on how the world, and more obviously, America just can't seem to keep their knockers on, let go of their past, or tell their spouses things they should be telling them in the privacy of their bedroom. I'll admit, I was interested as much as the next person in the first three episodes. It was fun when people admitted that they stuff up their underwear to loom better endowed. But eventually I got as incredulous as the critics. Really...how many times have we seen the "Have you ever cheated on so-and-so" question? The point they're trying to make is-

a) B***s to the spouse you've already cheated on anyway, time to make some quick bucks!

b) Forget about your family sobbing over there, hey now you can afford a platinum-encrusted facial! How about that?!

c) Join the Brigade. Let's face it, the only way to earn your fifteen minutes of fame without going partying without underwear, is to spill all your big fat dirty family secrets on not just national, but worldwide television.

d) Nearly EVERYONE in America loves their spouses and yet believe they really shouldn't be with them at all. Such love. (Were you hoping for public support during your public break-up, clam-heads?!)

I get that people have had hard, trying lives..but if so, keep it to yourself! The almost sadistic angle of the show even has people booing loudly when people back out of the show, lest they're forced to reveal what condom flavour they used when they cheated on their spouse or worse, if it was used already or stolen from your boss's drawer. If you're cringing, know that all this is a distinctive possibility in anyone's head, anyone who has watched that show.

What's downright hilarious is how the host seems way more concerned about the future lives of the unfortunate contestants than the contestants themselves. The host's got a crinkly, worried look on his face when he clearly states that the questions are very personal and he himself is wondering if So-and-so is actually going to go through this. When a stranger who's the host of a show that is trying to promote itself is asking you and your family if you really need the money that much, you know you're asking for trouble.

But people don't seem to care. People think the moolah is definitely cooler. Their families and friends are all battered and bruised, most of the damage is seemingly permanent at the very least, and I know I wouldn't want to be on this show or have ANYONE I know and love on this show. Some things are meant to be said in confidence. Some things are meant to be classified, even for the commons. Some things, are definitely better when swallowed deep within the hallows of your mind, because they are not really that important. For instance, your struggling best friend musician needn't know that you actually think he isn't going to make it. He needs to believe you think he can. That belief itself will see him through, perhaps. How will a messed up friendship, belief gone to the dogs, and an utter stomping of self-respect help?

Entertainment is one thing, and the tragic, trashy, chronicles of the sex-starved and dying to be famous gets old. It really really does. I'm going to keep my friends and family, keep secrets, fight my battles in private...and most importantly..I'm going to watch Saturday Night Live or Hell's Kitchen instead.

The question

2008-10-19T04:15:00.000-07:00

To be or not to be, THAT is the question. Man, Shakespeare was smart. This, I realised only today, in fuzzy logic class, when santa put up a slide with the quote. Santa's what we call my fuzzy logic professor- he's all rolly polly and jolly. He even holds up his belly sometimes and laughs...you can almost hear a “ho ho ho” echo at the back of your head. He's also pretty smart and the one of the nicest teachers we have- he even gives us a MUCH needed coffee break. THAT, my dah-lings, is truly exceptional in my department.

That quote sums up almost ever droplet of being in our lives, in my opinion. It applies to everyone, everywhere, in every facet of life. To be in the gym right now, or not to be. To be an engineer or not to be. To be studying for that exam, or not to be. To be a virgin, or not to be. To be a loyal friend, or not to be. To be honest, or not to be.

To like that hot neighbour, or not to.

It's really that simple.

Except it is..well, not really all that straight up. There are books with a list of things that determine “Are you ready to give it up for your boyfriend yet, or not?” Man, even a list of a million things can't determine the feelings springing up in your brain, and even those can't determine adequately what you should be doing (for those who are on that path). Nothing can determine if you're destined to do that MBA, or if you're going to lose weight. Science can take you through to anywhere with reason, but it can't help the trainwrecks and the detours that happen along the way. And these, are words of wisdom that come after a delightful evening of heritage wine. (I love using these very british words...delightful, divine, yadda yadda yadda)

Which brings me to the delightful evening. BBQ and heritage wine. (Which sounds strangely healthy, yes? I certainly thought so.) It was MUCH needed by the almost bedraggled moi.

I also tried a hot dog for the first time in my life today (Don't gasp, you...I'm vegetarian by choice and birth) and it was quite yum yum in my tum tum! The mustard especially.

I love mustard on anything.

Anyway, it was very relaxed and nice. My heart, lungs, eyes, heck, even my toes are very happy after a nice time...I can almost hear them go (Finally, WOMAN, you took us out and showed us what the world looks like. Finally. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!)

And, and, list time!! Here we go..things I've loved and still loving and even RE-loving (there isn't such a word, right..okay..falling in love with ALL over again):

Grey's anatomy. There is going to be a whole post on this, with my every opinion on this, just as soon as a get to the third season. Stay tuned! Right now I'm way too addictedto this show to even type it out. And I don't wanna go to rehab, I say, No, NO No!!
Jeff Buckley.

A genius, and you should SO fall asleep listening to hallelujah and any song from Grace. Your breathing pattern with stabilise, which basically means you'll sleep like a very peaceful, happy log person.
Jolly jellies.

Call 'em jujips or jolly jems or jelly jems or whatever, these sugar coated sinful jelly things are just the right thing for your bellies. (Oh my god, I sound like a walking talking AD jingle.) And have many packets of them. The sugar high is an experience NOT to be missed:)
Pink.

I re-discovered my fuchsia earrings. Mood uplifters, really.
Sleeping

I've clocked in a ridiculous number of hours per day so now I do ONLY these things in a day:

-Attend college

-Sleep

-Study

-Sleep

-Groom myself

-Eat

-Sleep

-Watch grey's anatomy

-Study

-Sleep

-Study

-Sleep

-Sleep

(In no particular order, of course)

Now I must get back to doing one of those things. Remember, there's nothing that a lindt thin can't help cure, and the song “Affirmation” by savage garden makes sense even after YEARS.

Ta!

The pursuit of happyness

2008-10-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

La la la la laaaaa! I am BACK! And surprise, surprise, I am actually in a happy state of mind. Certain parts of my brain have ceased to protest, and they're just sitting back, enjoying this change of pace. Almost like someone gave them a beer and went- "Yo, just sit back and get breezy".
And my, they did obey.

I haven't blogged in a while, partially because charlie (my laptop) totally bailed on me, what with him refusing to access the internet. Okay, okay, so part of it was my sheer stupidity and inability to help fix the poor dude. But hey, he could've co-operated a bit more.
Another, more overwhelming reason was that the past few weeks have neither been happy, nor eventful. I was bogged down by the monster internals, bugged with other issues, worried by the lack of "fun" in my life, and especially brought down by nothing to look forward to. Not that there aren't opportunities..but for a while I've been forced to turn down even trips to a swanky estate in chickmaglur and a nice trip to shivasamudram..and trust me, I don't fancy saying no, ever. It's all.bad timing.

So I didn't want to type out some lamenting, blah post (oh wait..does this seem like one? Hang on, it gets sunny, I promise) and I wanted to doodle when some happy state of mind found me. I guess I have to give a lot of credit to adt and ayt, because today they met me and I had a great time. We were supposed to watch mamma mia (hey I actually like abba..."My, my, how can I resist you?") but we didn't get tickets. I could just picture the big guy up there smiling and going.."There..I ruined the only good thing you have all week!"

But things turned around! We went to FP, and got ourselves all silly on a salt rimmed orangey thingy (I LOVE salt rims and tend to be very partial to the citrus group) and something called "Death wish". Funny, all it did was knock some life into me, sorta.

And then we just sat at kalmane coffee, just sat and smiled and laughed and talk and man, I have changed! My stupid, depressy withdrawn self of a few months didn't really break, but there is a hole in that egg shell. I really did have a great time. It felt so good to be out, I'm still happy and sorta jumpy. I dearly hope this is the beginning of a road to NO RETURN to the old, happy, absolutely cheerful, did-i-mention-happy me.

And tomorrow I will be going for em's book launch! I'm almost tripping with excitement. Any book-theatre-movie-music type thing really gets me going. Indian writers are definitely my cup of decadent darjeeling chai. And women writers, especially. Ever read a book called 'girl, alone?'. You so should.
I think 'You are here' will be just as good:)

And while I continue on the pursuit of happyness, its sure as hell nice to know I've made some serious progress in one evening. Its even nicer to know I had adt and ayt to take me there.
Hah, watch out folks..in no time I shall be cackling, and I mean REALLY cackling again.
Maybe it'll even turn into a guffaw...

Broadway Burgundy Frost

2008-09-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

Sounds nice, eh? If you haven't guessed already, its the name of a rather ridiculous looking Dark Pink Nail polish shade I have. Or found, rather.
I must say it looks very..Broadway-esque (I have no idea how to explain that) and I was quite enamoured with the shine. Now, I'm not very girly (meaning I call totes bags, I don't really keep up with the latest trends and I don't own much makeup) but suddenly, I wanted to wear Dark pink nail-paint and see how my day went.

What I didn't realise till late evening, was that the colour looked postitively hideous on my skin tone.
Sigh. I guess mom will have to wear it (She's got prettier feet than I have.Mine are much to my sorrow, capable of being categorized as ugly.)
But like R said, I should be glad I have feet..

The lack of time in my life is driving me crazy. Really, I so wish I'd the time to groom myself like those other girls who have time for a different hair-style everyday of the week (seriously, we're talking permed one day, braids one day, straight the next..do you know how much EFFORT that would take? Not to mention how many hours! ). What I do is, I inspect my hair when I wake up. If its too oily or greasy looking, I wash it. If I don't blow dry it, I fall sick (it's true..the horror sinusitis imposes on people is only too annoying). So I quickly dry it, that's it. On really bad hair days I settle for a hair-band or maybe clips. If its really bad, I tie it. That's it. Minimal. I wish I even had time to go shopping for hair accessories.

Also, skinny jeans are on their way out! I, for one am happy. Did people take SO long to realise that it doesn't suit every body type? Hah! I could've told every fashionista that on day ONE.
(then again, India is a whole season behind the world when it comes to fashion trends so god only knows how long we'll take to wind out of this skinny-s**t)
The new trend is the supposed "Boyfriend jeans", really really baggy jeans. I'm happy. They're also supposedly called these because they look like something you've fished out of your boyfriend's closet.
Now why couldn't you call them something else? Count on those people to give you a complex no matter what. First they use the word 'skinny' and then 'boyfriend'. Its like normal-bodied, single people don't have the right to wear jeans anymore. Hmmph.

It sure would've been cool to live in the seventies:)

Bitchslap!

2008-09-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Hell, yeah. Now THAT's what I'd really like to do to someone this week. Nah, don't get all excited, just that things are really getting on my nerves. I am so madly swamped with things I'm supposed to do, and I'm missing the things I want to do.
Worst of all..I've forgotten how to do the things I used to like doing.
Wow. I just re-read that, and It's mildly confusing!

Yesterday was the barbeque at beeris'. Now, I'm vegetarian, which means I don't really get a lot to gobble on, but the concept of barbeques is AWESOME. Fire, the smell of grilled anything wafting around me, darkness, around, content faces (and stomachs). The entire idea is just so appealing, all the more since I'm bored to death of parties. I just can't take another typical, usual party. (Slow down- I'm not a party animal, but I do require life to be a lot more interesting than the same darn thing every single time.)
A BBQ is like an informal, fun party. And I missed it! Sob!
Me-is-not-thrilled at all.

Today, I finally took indira (my car) for a drive. She's fantastic, really. Okay, I like naming things around me- charlie's my laptop, etc. Usually its all named after very good looking men, but Indira was the only exception. She's a blushing red i10. I kid you not, that's the actual colour on the brochure.
Sunday's an amazing day to drive, really...the traffic is all sleeping at home( or at BBqs, who knows) and the roads are nice and easy. I skipped a signal, irritated someone when I was reversing ( I saw him hit his forehead) and almost collided with someone on two occasions. So not good for my ego.

There's no time for anything! I wish I'd 24 hours per evening! Really..when you're a girl and you're actually scheduling waxing into your calendar and realise there's not much time to even do that...you know there's trouble brewing. I'd kill for a pedicure, too..but heck..where's the time? Now I know what all those twenty-somethings used to talk about.

Are you wondering why I'm still blogging? I swear, this is the only thing that keeps me sane. Now that I'm trying to stay away from chocolate, TV, and boys, I do still need to write, don't I?

There's no time to exercise either.
I feel fat. It doesn't help that the mirror affirms my feelings. I have almost an entire section in my cupboard that can only be categorised as "Clothes for when I lose weight". I just can't bring myself to let those clothes go.

And cat is nothing short of a catastrophe. Really. It helps that college is full of women teachers who have tremendous egos wrapped around them, along with their sarees. I've always preferred Male teachers, for only one reason- they don't care about your private life. They teach and leave.
My teachers, on the other hand...make life HELL.

And I want to watch mamma mia! Meryl Streep is one of my eternal favourites. I loved her nonchalant bossy nature in the devil wears prada. She's getting even better with time, in my opinion.
That movie had some seriously hot clothes. This green over-coat and this white one with a grey beret...to DIE for. Really. (It helps that Anne Hathaway can totally carry off these things)

Sigh.
I want a fun life back!!

Springs in steps

2008-09-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

I love dancing.

No, no..don't get me wrong. I'm not very good at it. But put on some music and I like to move it move it..do you like to move it move it? I've probably performed (like on stage with what I'd call a decent-sized audience) a few times, say around three or four. I recently did A dance for my building (A medley. How cool am I??!!) and after that there was this lull. So on fri when Sutta said something about a dance, first I worried about how this would ruin my so-called-CAT-attempt even further, but then I decided to go for it. I don't really regret it, since It's really a great stress buster. We're doing a medley (again!:)) of 'pappu can't dance saala' which has come out looking quite funky in my opinion and 'bachna ae haseeno' which we all haven't yet choreographed, but the song is so upbeat that we all dance when it starts!

It should be fun, really. I think stage fright shall kick in but this has been a good team building (you know, decision making and the like) and creative experience.
Amateur dancers doing their own medley. *Grin*. Awesome.

Also this whole wall street fiasco is really very interesting! I'm reading every article on it that I can get my paws on. I love it and so wish I could understand exactly how economics works..Now I know more than ever that I'm so made for a non-engineering degree!

Today in class, me sutta and ms muddu had this entire conversation on India, terrorism, religion battles, Corruption, Politics, the world and it was really very lovely..I for one was so wonderfully happy. Did I mention I LOVE intelligent conversation? I want more of that!

Also I have started reading The Economist which I think anyone vaguely interested in the world (Hah!) should read. it really is a stunning piece of information..all wrapped up in that incredibly deceitful exterior. It looks thin, but it is most definitely not.

I also saw the last lear, and Verdict- Overrated. AB's acting is really quite commendable though, really worth a shot..give it a go with a DVD and hopefully surround sound and appropriate lighting..that should do. He is good! Many performances were quite good, in fact..except Preity (who looks and talks the same in every movie.) It would've made a really good play. I'm starting to think AB would've been amazing at theatre.

Oh oh and I can't wait to watch mamma mia! Anyone seen it? I positively love ABBA, simply because when I was little, my parents listened to it a lot so I sorta grew up with it and sang it and it means a fair bit to me.

mamma mia
here I go again
my, my, how can I resist you?
mamma mia
does it show again
my, my, just how much I've missed you

Ah.

Joy.

Also, I didn't expect this, But I LOVE death magnetic. The Cd cover is nice, the album is nice, and I absolutely love 'suicide and redemption'. Finally, they brought out a track and spared me the lyrics.
I hated St. Anger, but this album's nice. Sort of like the Black Album.
I love neutral milk hotel too, of late:)

Now, why can't CAT go well too? There will be only springs in my steps then.

Also tomorrow I shall be catching a play..'death' by woody allen.
I love plays. I love them, I love watching them, writing them, anything to do with them.
Watching them.

That joy will keep me going for a whole week. Can hardly wait.

Liar, Liar

2008-09-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

They're everywhere.

If you haven't spotted them yet, you're either one of them (which I realised only too late, that there's a very high probability of almost everyone being one of them) or you're still blissfully unaware, like I used to be. But facts are facts- people outrageously lie about their lives, especially academically, in India, and that is a huge contribution to what makes our education system so unfulfilled. Really, I think that is one of the primary reasons my education has really strayed far away from the wholesome path.
everywhere.
Honestly, there are three things that make for a great education in a great university...
1) Great students (and this is Numero Uno)
2) Great opportunity
3) Great faculty.

However, great faculty play a primary role in bringing out great students, so it gets sort of confusing as to where faculty really come in. Be assured that they are really important though.

However, Indian Kids seem to have got it all wrong. Sometimes you can't blame them- there's intense competition for very few seats in virtually any course that you wish to take- heck, its easier doing an undergraduate degree in Harvard than getting into IIT, and I've heard enough and more people tell me that it is easier to get into Wharton or Harvard (if you're blessed with work experience) than IIM. And going by the way CAT is, I can certainly see why.

But there's a vast difference between Indian students and lets say, American, or British (or any student community worldwide, for that matter.) The difference is this- Indian students just don't know or rather, don't want to adopt a win-win strategy. They work on "Every man for himself". Actually I'd prefer to call it "Every liar for himself."

So instead of forming proactive study groups (which is, by the way one of the top five things students do when they join college), Indian students wade through waters on their own, and they much prefer lying to their batchmates. What that is going to accomplish, I really have no idea and I probably never will. I mean, sure..we're all competing with each other but let's face it..since we never help each other, we never really learn. Ever. This is like doing a degree through correspondence. What's the point of going to an environment that's so close minded..academically, you only gain large lumps of disconnected, disfigured, mugged up pot-pourri.

That sort of explains why even after three whole years of doing a degree, many people don't know as much as they should.

There are people who help, learn, work together. There really are. But this constitutes a miniature section of the madding crowd. The rest would rather lie. If you ask me, its ridiculous. Why play down the work you do? That makes you sound like a fool who doesn't deserve what he's got. It only takes credit away from you. Worse, it makes you look like you're a cheat.

If I can pull together a couple of hours of serious work, I'm usually so happy about it that I go screaming it out from the rooftops. I don't want to hide behind some door and slog it out quiet and alone, and be treated with surprise when I accomplish something. I know I don't want people to say.."Oh, when was she even working for this? I didn't know she was that smart." I know I don't want people to say.."Oh she's a liar..she says she's out shopping but she's actually being two faced and studying."

People don't want to admit they work because it makes them look nerdy. It makes them look focussed, smart, boring.
I hope people are smart enough to realise how stupid the previous sentence was. Trust me on this, smart is all you've got working in life for you. Stupid people are even worse than smart ones. Studies have shown that Most people would rather date someone smart who's headed somewhere in life, and shows it, than someone who's a fool who discounts the worth of a good steady head.
Don't ever be incapable of intelligent conversation, really.

What I don't get is how People actually are out all the time, like they claim to be, sleeping, chilling, yadda yadda yadda and they still do better than the ones who worked and said they did. Does that mean they actually worked without telling anyone (How stupid) or their brains are genuinely better equipped (How unfair). Either way, its weird. I'm really sick of people lying all the time. "No, I don't know how to do that, really" and ta-da! They actually do, and it shows.
I swear, if I know how to do something I'll gladly teach someone before a test, just so I can prove how oh-so-smart I really am.

Anyway, everyone wants a good success story, folks. If you're ever successful, its nice for you to be able to tell people what you did to get there instead of "I did nothing really". Its not being modest, It's being stupid. People can look through you now. I know I can.

For those of you who've been honest, and helpful to your peers, I hope you continue making the education scene here a better place to be in. For those of you who don't...You know when you lie. You think being selfish and self-obsessed is the way to go.
That way won't stretch out very far.
I sure hope it doesn't anyway. Be assured that you don't have any positive chi on your side, anyway.

This was not written because of any particular instance. But do an engineering degree here and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Blammy

2008-09-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

Step one- I'm going to get personal. Something I normally don't do on my blog. Most of my writing falls under the inspired by other people and people they know and also what I read category.
Whew! That's a long category.

But anyway, I am called Blammy sometimes in college. Actually, I'm called rammy (which is my screename..FYI) and Dee at one point thought it'd be funny to start calling me blammy and he said the name sort of sounded "fat". My theory regarding this is that blammy sounds like a portmanteau word..you know, Blob Rammy. Ridiculous, but that's how it ever made sense in my head. Of course, I never really told anyone about this particular reasoning but hey..if people are reading my Blog, this is going to get a few laughs (or atleast a knowing smiling sort of look) for sure. Anyway..funnily enough..I loved the name Blammy the very first time I heard it. (What I wish I could change, was the implication! Haha.)

So, the truth is..I'm not really very large or Obese or anything (I'd sure as hell like to think that) and I'm not thin either. I'm what I'd call "Pleasantly Plump" when I'm in a good mood, "Fat as hell" when I'm in a crummy mood, "chubby" when I'm trying to come to terms with myself and "Getting fatter by the minute" when Life gets agonizing and terrifying. Either way, I'm not very nice, (emotionally, regarding body issues) to myself.
And wow, I've just written this on the internet.
(Gag moi.)

So yeah, externally I go all "Huh!? Did you just call me fat?!!", while internally, I usually partially agree..in my friends' circle, I'm pretty much the plump girl. But you should see the guilt-laden, confused look on someone's face when they call you fat without expecting you to take offence and yet, you do..it gets them every time and I love it. (They try and cover it up with an attempt to make any joke sound like a generic statement.Bah!)

However, I do not think I am really fat. See, the real villain of this story is my height. I happen to be of average Indian height. So i just end up looking healthier than I'd like to. See? If only I could knock off a couple, I'd look a lot more in proportion and I'd be happier and my life would turn around and (you get my drift..blah blah blah)

Anyway, So..I'm Blammy. It doesn't help that most of my friends are blissfully in shape. They either have a blessed metabolism, amazing genes, or a willpower that a blasted earthquake wouldn't shatter (they work out really regularly). But really, most of them are quite..yummy lookin'! Ah, the peril such things bring to Blammy. Really. You have no idea. See, I'm cursed with a mad love for food, and an even greater love for sleep.
Both these things ruin weight loss like nothing else.
You betcha!

Anyway, So I found a few Blogs which are GREAT for reading about weight loss (I can't really Blog about being Blammy anymore..so these people will take over.) The links I'm about to post are pretty fantastic, either being very detailed, motivating, really helpful or just plain amazing. For anyone with weight issues..if for nothing else, read them to know that you aren't alone.
You aren't alone at all.

I'm too lazy to convert into links so I'm taking the liberty of posting URL's straight (for the tech-challenged this means just copy-paste this link on your browser)

http://www.escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/

http://dietcokeandzingers.blogspot.com/

http://maintainingahealthylifestyle.blogspot.com/

http://alwaysthebiggirl.blogspot.com/

http://justoofat.wordpress.com/

Each of these Blogs have links to further Blogs on being healthy and weight-watching and yadda yadda yadda so dig in! To the information, I mean.
Yikes!

Though I must add, being Blammy in no way is a drastic problem in my life. For those people who claim you can't be fat and happy, well..you're right.
You can't be fat and happy. Amen to that.
But you can definitely be fat and loved.
Trust me on this one. I've never been denied of opportunity, friendship, love, or trust because of body issues. Really. I've seen a wrote of people write about how the only way to get friends or have people like you is by being thin. In my experience..that is a load of self-pitying rubbish...It is all in your head. Life is meant to be lived, and lived well.

And regardless of how you look, you should be living just the way you want to.

Cheers,
Blammy

P.S- Blammy really likes purple.

marginalize

2008-09-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

hey, you there..yes you. did you think I wasn't talking to you?
we spent nights and days together
talking about how other people complicate and mess up their lives. Make them so incredibly complex that rocket science and thread anarchy came together like a ball of dirty yarn that just couldn't be spun.
You told me that you preferred it simple.
Then how come I'm trapped in your anarchy? And how come, even though I want out, I'm still in, and how come I want to tell you that I want nothing more than to be out, but I can't?

didn't you once tell me you can't stand someone who can't keep a secret?
Didn't you once exhale, for hours because I wouldn't tell you someone else's?
have you not realised that you're a hypocrite, when you call everyone else that?
Then how come you want me to spill everything for you, when you're crying over un-spoilt, un-spilt milk? Milk thats fresh and cold in the refrigerator, and FYI..your antics get stale faster than the milk does.

didn't you find someone else fake, once? Didn't you tell me that you couldn't believe people would come around for entirely selfish reasons, and that people who make the world at their convenience isn't fair? Didn't you once say you couldn't tolerate someone else reading your messages when you didn't want them to? Didn't you once call someone I know and love..nosy?
Then how come you're pouring over my shoulder, and many others'...curiosity about their lives driving you, an invisible sheath of confidence hiding you..and yet at some level you know you're transparent?

sometimes, you know the answer I'm giving. You want to change that, and you'll change what you say so I'll be forced to say what you want me to.
Haven't you realised that I love you, and all this is making me think twice about the kind of person you are?

you can't stand it when someone talks behind your back.
and you love talking behind others' backs.

You're perfectly capable of making good conversation and yet, you're so entwined in your own life that you don't really bother with it, and then you tell me other people are incredibly dull, and boring to talk to only because they're too wrapped up in themselves.
haven't you looked in a mirror, emotionally?

You can't stand it when your friends don't support your idiosyncrasies, and yet you won't support mine.
Haven't you realised that you're selfish?

The coffee's brewing. Its time for you to wake up.

surface

2008-09-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

I ooze goodness
atleast i think I do, I believe I do
and that belief makes it all come true
and most people happen to think so too
except sometimes.

sometimes things bother me
a little, and sometimes it gets worse
and worse, and pretence is such a curse
that pretty soon I'm mumbling sinister anger under my breath
and I try, but my patience reserve has reached its death
and I still stop myself from being myself
because things bother me sometimes.

And its a nuisance, really, to let it all go
that isn't constructive, and believe me, I know
but the world's like that. You don't really have to show
people how you feel. How tiny, miniscule things get pricky
inside and how dealing with it, smiling, is more than tricky.

So sometimes I shut up, fade out
but the boiling continues, it won't burn out
and sub-consciously I'm seething, because people don't get
that people sometimes get affected by the things you've done or said
however little, those rocks do create a rubble
and before you know it, i've burst my good bubble

and i say things I never meant to say
and I absolutely ruin my own day
because truth is, I think i do possess goodness
and any negation of that makes me feel helpless
and that lava explodes, it steams me up
and I become someone else.

Three hundred and sixty four days,
of the nice me. But i always lose it on that one remaining day
and now its many, many more days a year
is this what I've become? That's my constant fear
because truth it, I used to ooze goodness
and now, its way below the surface
and I think its time I look for it, and bring it back to life
My lava needs to make way for the me that's right.

Their story

2008-09-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

Wrappers, shiny wrappers
of gifts he'd bought, of the love he'd thought
of candy inside, of their first roller-coaster ride
sweet wrappers, sweet nothings, all wrapped up inside
that she'd banned him from getting.

And she wouldn't have it, she said
she insisted, she insisted
That isn't your money. It's not yours to give
and our memories are gifts enough. for as long as we live.
No letters, no cards. no notes. no presents.
just be with me, and let me be with you
that's present enough, that present is true

he didn't want to. I didn't search, but everywhere I go
things remind me of you, he said
and it wasn't just heart shaped things, or things in red.
things everywhere, they screamed her out to him
stones on sidewalks, christmas candy, wildflowers with a violet rim
and he got them. on impulse. he couldn't leave those things alone
what would they have to remind themselves with, when they were grown?

But she insisted, she insisted
she didn't want that guilt
They agreed, no more gifts. They were being silly
he took some convincing but he agreed mutually
they made memories. spectacular memories, they made together
and preserved together. he felt like nothing could be better
yet everytime he found something that reminded him of her
he couldn't help but think he should get it. but she wouldn't like that, for sure.

they were made for each other. things went by
years went by, their lives went by
and one week was all that it took for everything to change.
she'd lost her memory. A nervous disorder took the blame.
And all those precious memories were lost
and he couldn't get those back for her.
Why, why didn't I get her something? So she'd look at those and remember
everything we've been through. how we've made our lives together
and now I can't show her anything, to trigger off
the memories we built, so the things could lay off.

she smiled. you seem to still have them, she said
you seem to have all those memories etched in your head
and I trust you. I don't even know who you are
but you know what? I trust you. More than anyone else. By far.
Don't buy me anything. I don't like that.
Lets make memories.
I know I sound corny. But they'll last us longer than anything else will
Even though I've lost mine, you can fill me in.

And he told her stories every night.
Under her old bedsheets
How she liked the afro drums. Their distinctive beat.
and how they met, and lived, and her nature, her persona
came to life. Every little thing she'd ever done
and he told her stories, and she told him some new stories
and they made memories. Old memories. New memories. Preserved, together.
He felt like nothing, nothing could be better.

1001

2008-09-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Friday, January 11th, 2008.
I'm not the sort of person who remembers dates (No really, except my birthday I draw huge blanks) but strangely, I remember that one. Don't expect something very earth shattering, now. I wrote my very first Blog post on that day. Actually my first Blog post was a while back..but..I scrapped that Blog, and started this one.
And this one has lasted long enough for me to assume it is permanent. I mean, I might start other anonymous, not-so-anonymous blogs, but this will always be home base. This will always be the personal blog that made it. I now know that I won't be ditching this one.

What triggered off this blog-nostalgia? Well, it has just come to my notice that my blog has officially been viewed a 1001 times.
Pretty cool, eh? bah, who am I kidding....

It's fantastic!
(You can't see, but I'm taking a bow).

I am so taking this opportunity to thank my readers(don't scoff, some people do read my blog, don't they!?) for coming, coming again (If you did), and commenting (for THIS is what really makes a difference to me). Okay, so there are a MILLION blogs with a readership of over ten thousand each, but I feel like this is my own personal victory. Silly, but true. This blog has kept me going. It really has.
Writing has always been therapeutic. I didn't think this would ever come close to writing in a journal (and it doesn't) but it's something else altogether. It's a different kind of writing.

Okay. So this filler post is over.
I just had to commemorate the occasion.
I'm going to go do the victory dance now.
*grin*

The fifth of september, 2008

2008-09-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

You know when good things happen to you but bad things happen to your friends? The good things just..don't seem so right anymore? uh-huh, that's right. I did pretty well in sixth sem. Well, for starters, the results came bang when we were least expecting it. Thank the sweet kind lord.

Otherwise, I'd have been in the loo and I'd have had even bigger bags under my eyes. (While we're on this..what on earth gets rid of those no-sleep circles? I've tried everything except stain remover detergent, and I really don't want to try that.)

Unfortunately, some of my friends didn't do so well. Which is purely luck based, and in many ways really unfair, if you ask me. Especially since they really did work, you know? You can't predict VTU. Ever. It will crawl up behind you and strike, before you can even respond.

So, weirdly enough, things just don't seem right, even though they are. I'm supposed to be mighty pleased with myself, but I just can't be when there are people around me that are unhappy. I really didn't think I'd ever feel this way (yeah, Us leos can be quite the selfish..well, lions.) But there's a wonderful, different kind of happiness that comes with unity. Personal Satisfaction just can't compare.

Also (and yeah, I am going to put this on my blog) it has come to my notice that students in my department were being bribed by our teachers (But of course) to spy on other students. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing ever? It makes me want to shake them up, and then shake them up some more, and then beg some NGO to give them a life. Donate a life, folks! A whole load of people in college need it!

Note: The students who were bribed, said no. (Talk about show of character and integrity. Sometimes people can really set an example. (Isn't it sad and wonderful all at the same time, how students can set examples for teachers?)

College doesn't even compare with school. My school teachers fell into one or more of the following categories:

-delightfully amusing

-delightfully charming

-delightfully hilarious

-delightfully interested

-delightfully entertaining.

I think I've pretty much made my point here.

And some, some were delightfully life-altering. It's true. They really did make a difference.

Happy Teachers' Day! To every teacher and everyone I've ever come across, for I've learnt something from you, for sure. Just don't quiz me on it:)

I miss making all those personalized teachers' day cards, so many of them.

Daily Lessons

2008-08-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

I was wondering, is there a right to existence? A right to happiness? I don't think so. Just imagine the workload law firms would have, if there were these rights. Shudder.

If you're one of those people who look around you everyday and go..."Why am I surrounded by people who have ____ Job, _____ grade, _____ opportunity and I don't?"...I found an article that focusses on the people who didn't have these things when they started out. It ranks pretty okay on the feel good factor.
The rejects. Check them out here.

Till this week, I used to wonder if people really needed personal organizers and google calendars and PDAs and all that jazz.
Now I know why.

I've looked for countless articles on beating the excess-sleep disease (Is it called sleep apnea?) man, who would've thought that excess sleep can ruin your life?

Philadelphia Cream Cheese is awesome.
Warning: The side effects, however, aren't.

You spend most of your teen years convincing your folks that pajama parties are okay, and sleepovers are fun and harmless.
And then you grow older and your mom goes for a sleepover with her friends and suddenly, shockingly, momentarily, you're a teeny bit worried.
(Not for long. They're parents.)

Rain is either beautiful, lovely and amazing or downright horrid.
There's really no middle ground.

B is for *, E is for ****, now you put them together. No? Fine, I'll do it.

2008-08-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

Boredom. it has many faces, many old, boring, mundane faces. You'll find it anywhere. From faces like mine, sitting in OOAD class today, to faces in relationships, not knowing where they can go, to faces at a market stall, tired of what they do on a daily basis. incidentally, I am officially SICK of anything to do with objects. Period.

Freedom. it means different things to different people. it's what you crave most, sometimes. to you it might mean a fair trial or the right to live how you want. to a journalist it might mean the freedom of speech. to me it might mean freedom from the bounding choices I make, from doing this degree to doing so many other things that will bind me or already are, when they shouldn't.
hmm. object orientation does make you realize a lot of things.
pun fully intended.

Art. that must be appreciated in all forms. from the artwork sutta is doing to her blank page, to the way walls are designed in that studio apartment, to the particular way only KT tunstall can seem to get that note right. art breaks you away from boredon, and it also represents freedom of expression.
I for one, think that J.D salinger's work is like new-age art. So is Zadie Smith's.

Money. that is sadly, both unfairly connected and unfairly disconnected to art. can you explain how some art rake in the moolah, while the others that are equally good if not better make peanuts?
it's a delicate, fragile, shameful imbalance.

Luck. it is what drives that delicate imbalance of money. i mean sure, a lot of other things also drive it but luck is by far the most important, incredible, yet indeterminable ingredient. i see smart, effective individuals who's lived ethically, worked hard and experienced less return. i see others who cross the line, and do not have to pay for it.

Talent. that supersedes luck. THE ONLY TRUE way of ensuring that your chances of bringing in further good chi increase. for only the blessed, dedicated and the hardworking end up being true masters of their own talent. nothing else will do. for example, working perfectly with object orientation is talent.
mentioning object orientation three times in one abstract post is also talent.

Enthusiasm. that comes from knowing you've the potential to hone talent, be talented, and the potential to use it.

see? i connected boredom to enthusiasm.
all by six degrees of separation.

Beneath

2008-08-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

when the light has burnt away
when the night has replaced your day
believe that behind the clouds, there are stars.

when there's murky, blotched reason
when frustrations come in seasons
believe that somewhere, somehow this wasn't only your fault.

when there's no end to that tunnel
when your life begins to rumble
believe that things will come to you, and conquer it all

when you can't begin to understand or believe
wait for when you heal
for beneath every nightmare,there's a new dream.

this is dedicated to you. you know who you are.

A perfect circle

2008-08-17T07:13:00.000-07:00

I am now legal!!!

Okay, so in India, 18 is pretty much the legal life. But what the heck, vegas so beckons now! (The only time I've been there, I was sixteen and not allowed.)

To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to this birthday. Ok, so dreaded would be a good way to start describing this. See, I know people talk about the whole 'age is a state of mind' thing and all that jazz, but facts are facts:- I'm not getting any younger.
I know. Depressing.

But man, family and friends really REALLY changed all that. My birthday ended up being one of the best days EVER! And in 21 kick-all-ass years, that's saying a lot!

For starters, there was a treasure hunt at home, with...brace yourself...twenty-one gifts!! It was spectacular. Suj, mom and dad printed out these intellectual (hey, they weren't all that easy, they agreed!) clues, and hid gifts and everything!

Just for you (How lucky!) I'm gonna try and list out the gifts! (Male-readers may skip the following section. Or stick it out..its a great list of "What girls like me like!")

1-A cool red and silver coffee cup. With that cover that you can twist around!
2-Gold jewellery. Really grand, really nice looking, and now I can't wait to go to a fancy wedding and dazzle away. (Although i prefer platinum, but hey..they pick the sets they know I can wear)
3-A mother of pearl, gold and diamond watch. More weddings needed(but not mine)
4-A cute college bag in blue-gray and cream
5-A hand made paper journal. (Nah, I will also blog and continue to corrupt cyberspace.)
6-A bronze flower bookmark. (very cool)
7-A birthday card (with the words 'sex appeal' and 'bloody' in it. How cool are my folks?!)
8-Gourmet chocolates. (In individual coloured paper. I love that.)
9-A blue poise leather wallet. (Longish one. I've just been waiting to buy one..birthdays are celebrated for a reason, I so get it now!)
10-Crossword book vouchers. (My family has really understood me!)
11-Two pairs of earrings. (both junk jewellery ish!)
12-brown and black slippers. With a neat wedge cut.
13-A neat green hard cardboard magazine rack. (Just what I needed.)
14-green Kajal. (I know! Funky!)
15-Eye shadow. In nice normal brown shades!
16-A Copper sulphate (sort of) blue top.
17-A light green tee
18-A copy of 'A thousand splendid suns' by khaled hosseini. I like:)
19-Hair bands and clips. (Much needed)
20-A Debit card (Awesome, eh:))
21-The keys to my new i10! (Ah, i can see the green aura!)

So, that's 21 phenomenal gifts. That made my morning.
Are you asking me if there's more? Why, yes there is:)

So after that I went to mocha with my class friends and man, that place simply stuns! So bright and colourful and we had a great time with the mozarella sticks and the panino and the hats! I also got

-This card-like birthday poster that they'd made with pictures and art work!
-Roll-Poll..the cutest bean toy dog in the world
-A Book! (Man, people really know me.) 'anything for you ma'am' by tushar raheja.
The best part..mocha has this small place to sit that's more like sitting in a little cove or cave..fantastic place to go to (ranks ****..that's four stars in my list)

And then...(Yeah, yeah..there's even more)
I got a surprise Party! (Sutta, you have officially kept up to our surprise pact!)
It was the BEST thing ever. Everyone was there. I knew something would happen, but I didn't know it'd be a party and I didn't know so many people would come! In fact..just before I was entering the place...A car zoomed past me and some people (notably monk, who I instantly recognized) dashed out and ran into the building. That was a total give-away and a lot of fun. I somehow controlled myself from squealing like a mad pig right there.

So the party would take up a whole new post but the highlights were
-my wall boyfriend (Made with streamers)
-people dancing on chairs (which was real cute)
-My barney cake (I shall upload pics in a later post..)
-Musical chairs (It's much more fun when you grow up, trust me.*wink*)
-Speed group Table Tennis (I have no idea what it is actually called but I'm gonna call it that!)
-Passing the parcel (with dares. *wink wink*)
-Fantasy sex book reading.
And way, way, way more.

But, since I'm in a total girly mood (And I am in love with my birthday gifts), I'm going to list out the gifts I got. (I know...you're going..even more gifts? yes. I love birthdays!!)

-A GORGEOUS, white designer-looking, classy, chick-bag.
The type I've always wanted, Voila! I cannot stop looking at it.
-Gorgeous white shoes.(And they fit!)
I need to go to more formal, classy social events now, to show off these babies!
-Two thongs. (One red one black which says "I am a naughty girl, spank me!")
Ah, College spoof gifts are fun.
No, don't ask me if I'm going to wear them.
- A book titled "fantasy sex".Really funny and I've never seen so many people interested in a book-reading.
-A hula-hoop.. For the girl in me:)
-A Hot pink (Sorta fuchsia) tube top with a very flowy cut
-A lavender dressy top with a really hot back
-A lavender top which makes me look somewhat thinner (no kidding!)
-A green silk-looking kurta from jaipur (which I badly wanted)
-A really cool keychain and this kiwi chain (African and New zealand maal)

Man, This post is awesomely long and detailed, I think.
But wait...there's even more! (Don't stop reading now, puh-lease!)

So the party just..was outstanding and I can't rem the last time I had that much fun! Did I mention I love surprises? Well A day full of them is like being willy wonka.

Then, I get home and I find................21 dishes for dinner! (that's now my new favourite number). Mom and dad and suj...had practically worked the whole day to make a stellar dinner feast!
I know, the sceptics (a.k.a non-vegetarians) will be shocked to find that there are, in fact that many veg options for snacks and dinner that can be easilyu whipped up. Besides, i'm a salad and dessert freak.
Just for the non-believers, here is the dinner menu:

1. Cake (Mousse Au Chocolat, to be precise)
2. Vadam (They're small fried papads)
3. Papads
4. Peanut masala. (Yum)
5. Coleslaw
6. Potato Salad
7. Macaroni Salad
8. Onion Vadam(they're coloured)
9. Corn Salad
10. Another Veg Salad
11. Pasta in a white sauce (which had very basil-like flavouring!)
12. Pasts in a red sauce
13. Peas Pulao (never know if its pulao or pulav..any idea?)
14. Raita
15. Potato Fry
16. Puliodhare (Tamarind Rice)
17. Kadambam (Sorta like sambhar, very bisi bele bath ish)
18. Cabbage Fry
19. Flavoured Curd Rice (I actually like south indian food these days)
20. Custard with jelly. (Smack!)
21. Coffee Pudding.

I know. Life is good.

Thank you, for making my day special.
You know who you are:)

Is it...legal??!!

2008-08-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

You know how I'm feeling right now? It's the feeling you get when you realise that something's happening right now, and at some point you know you'll look back on this and feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

Yep, that's right. This is my last blog post as a twenty year old. My last Blog post as illegal rammy, the last post of childish innocence, the last fleet of information from my not-yet-an-adult-worldwide mind.

A lot of things happened this year. Probably a million but I'd say the most important ones would be:-

1) I started blogging. And boy, what a difference it has made to my life.
2) I've started getting better haircuts. Its true, last year was hair-horror.
3) I've grown to appreciate experiences more. Like college, and how I'll really miss it even though I've spent three years hating a lot of it.
4) I've learnt a lot about people, life and love. (No, this is not my miss universe speech)
5) I've become somewhat more mature (Don't go overboard with this, I will still react like I used to.)
6) I've become less dependent on things and people's behaviour. (which is a good thing because I'm not letting the world dictate how I feel.)
7) I haven't fallen for anyone. (and hence, all the maturity, sense and sensibility came into play!)
8) I've understood the meaning of "Experiences" and what they can teach you.
9) I've actually been called "the wise one" (My personal favourite)
10) I'm now officially open to any kind of cuisine. I have favourites in them all. (talk about being good date-material). Even south Indian, I've started to take a liking to (much to my mom's liking)

I get the feeling 21 will be even BETTER.
Or is it "legal" me talking?

Who needs a planner when you've events to remember events with?

2008-08-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

Things I absolutely cannot stand this week (so far):-

#1: Thin people asking me "Shucks how do I lose some weight?" If I knew, I wouldn't be looking so 'pleasantly plump', would I, dah-ling?! And since you're thin, you're also brain-dead if you assume that I'll exhibit even the slightest hint of sympathy at you being "fat", when I'm deep in the well here and you're standing outside wondering how to draw water.

#2: People telling me that Pantene shampoo is awesome. Believe me, I had a mane once, of thick luscious (Yeah, that's the word) hair, and now, its..where did you go, my lovely? Credits: Pan-hell-tene shampoo.

#3: People who study abroad acting like what I'm doing is shit. Okay, so I don't have access to quite the experience you do, but hey, be a friend! (This does not apply to the nicer ones who come back and haven't changed at all. I love that. The BEST!)

#4: The fact that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen hardly ever smile with their teeth.
It's always a lip pout. Why, oh why?!

#5: People who claim they absolutely adore reading Blogs, but actually don't. Yup, very much existent category, by the way). What are you trying to prove? I am so restraining myself from saying further right now. (See, I'm usually a nice person and I don't want to mess things up..not even here).

#6: People who aren't in IIM, telling me that getting into one is no big deal. With all due respect, ugh..what the heck do you know, buddy?! @!%$%

Things I Loved this week (So far):-

#1: The fact that we've a subject called fuzzy logic this sem. Call me crazy (and I know you will) but it sounds so gosh-darn-CUTE.

#2: This thing Ms Muddu told me that she'd heard: A girl's prayer:
'Dear god, if you can't make me thin, then please make all my friends fat.' hahahaha! That really cracked me up.

#3: We bunked two hours and the girls from my department went to coffee day
and just chilled and laughed about girly things. It was so..normal and nice.
I needed that.
Thank you, Ms Muddu. Not sure how long you'll be hearing that though.

#4: The first episode of the moment of truth which aired on Star World. Scandal has always captivated me.

#5: My resume got printed out in pink and now it looks so Elle Woods (From legally blonde..one of the best indulgent chick flicks ever.) and it is most amusing. Bah. I dearly hope this means I still have a life.

I love nicknames.

Quicksort

2008-08-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

I did tell you that I'd nerd out anytime, didn't I?

Anyway...today was a surprisingly eventful day. I'm going to go into detail simply because I realised that when your brains going BONKERS inside, the only way to make sure you get some shut eye in the night without
- messaging someone to feel better (and waking them up...oops!)
- listening to my ipod for so long that I wake up feeling like a mummy (the embalmed ones)
- hopelessly tossing and turning and adjusting my pillow (it is NOT FUN)
..........is to Blog. Yup, that's right. I feel this strange..peace when I write. (Were you hoping for something way cooler, like sensations or visionary power? bah. Writing is too human for such things.) After a point I don't even care if someone reads it, I just want to write just to get it off my head and my neck. I don't know why everyone says.."get it off my chest". When I'm feeling terrible I get piercing, sharp pain in my neck. Medical explanation, anyone?

So anyway..today we had this Oracle Placement test in college..which was okay I guess. But there's just something about tests...I shudder at the very thought of testing my intelligence, watching a score on paper and restricting my absolute brain power to a mere number, a mere formation of pixels glaring at me as though to say, "Ha. Numbers rule your life?". NO, I am not a fan of math. (Didn't you guess?). The funny part is, I used to be. But that was before numbers screwed me over.

Let's not even get to the "you're wasting potential" talk I always get.

Anyway...the test was fine, everything's fine, but something's bothering me. And I have no darn clue what that is. Maybe it's the fact that I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. Maybe it's my birthday coming up..and boy, is that going to be a sobfest. I detest growing older. It just reminds me of how little time I have left to have fun! (Yeah, I'm still immature enough to think that anything beyond the married phase isn't fun. Just shoot me.)

I don't even know what I'm doing for my birthday. (Don't roll your eyes, please). Normally it doesn't matter but this time the parental units are putting a lot of pressure on me to decide (I really don't know why, they normally wouldn't be bothered till D-day.) And since I really don't know, I get so whiny and irritable and very...pig-faced everytime they ask me. I so wish I could be decent and talk to them and figure something out...

By the way, what the hell is a pincushion?

Also, today in class, I was reading about quicksort..which neatly partitions an array and sorts it. (Okay, geek stuff over. I promise). Wouldn't it be cool to have a quicksort done to your life? I want one. One that partitions, organizes, while I sit back and watch the chaos and dirt become order, Monica Gellar Style.

Then i'd have the time of my life messing it up again.

Mood swings really bring you down. You can be feeling perfectly peachy, and then..BAH. Me, social, amicable (I dearly hope) me, just doesn't want to look at anyone or even get out of bed. I don't know if the monotony has gotten to me, but I do know that its majorly because there isn't even a teensy, weensy thing to look forward to. Am I the only fool like this?

This had better be gone by tomorrow morning. Its exhausting, surviving a whole day with the same mood swings. I'm more used to about..fifteen a day.

Ah, I feel better. One percent better. That counts for something, right?

For those who read (and I salute you, really), sorry for this ranting, raving post. But if you ever want to rant or rave or anything, you may feel free to contact me and we can set up a ranting, bitching session and maybe even form a ranters' anonymous, heck we can even be well known.

And if you don't want to do that, tell me this- how on earth do you survive without cribbing? Is it an art? How can you not vent? I dearly hope this doesn't fall in the 'You have to be born with it, my dah-ling' category.

And now, I intend on taking some deep breaths and drifting off to the land of nod. No, no, insomnia. I am beginning to find a way to escape you.

No, filler posts don't always need to have titles

2008-08-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

I Learnt one thing today.

Life is all about being in the zone. Sometimes, the things you obsess about, worry about, spend sleepness nights about..just..fall into place if you let them be. It's astounding how the impossible things happen if at some level you believe that they actually can. Boy, do I love it when things start falling in place. I just hope this trend continues!

I also read one thing today..a really cute saying, in my opinion. Quote-for-all-ages category.

The popcorn Kernel is small, hard, indigestible and seemingly worthless. But put it in a pot and hold it over a fire, and it'll be transformed before your eyes. Sometimes life's pressures and problems can do the same for you.

Ah, when did I become this philosophical? Is it 7th sem (code name: War Seven) influencing me on day one, or is it something about growing older and wiser (in just eleven days?) I dearly hope its neither. *Shudder*.
But popcorn sure is fun to eat!

The next best thing

2008-08-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

Dab, dab. Nah. Not nearly good enough. Why can't I have the sense to do a colour patch test in sunlight instead, she wondered. And now the colour's all wrong. My cheekbones aren't high enough. Boy, do I have spectacular cheekbones. If only they weren't hidden under all this skin. Hmm, a nip here, a tuck there. And while we're at it, let's just get rid of those crow's feet too. And man, do I need more straightening serum or what? What's the point of lizz control and re-bonding if my hair still looks like patchwork?!

Welcome to woman-land, folks. If you're a male reader, my sympathies and my hearty congratulations. Both since you managed to get through the opening paragraph. Being a woman, for everyone who already knows it, and for everyone who doesn't, is tough. And I'm not talking about just the hormonal and physical changes (But no discounting that horror.) I'm talking about the weight of everyday thoughts that run through your head, you know..the daily stuff. The stuff that can be such a load sometimes..no wonder your skin sags and your cheekbones don't show. The weight overshadows it all.

See, women are divided into two categories..(in my opinion)
-The blessed
-The not-so-blessed

The Blessed ones, I used to think..were the ones that were born with it all. Perfect hair, perfect metabolism, perfect eyelash length, perfect calves. The list is endless. If you think being a woman is about worrying about face,hair,makeup and weight, you couldn't be more mistaken. Being a woman is like hosting an auction-you just cant wait to trade in some of those parts.

Of course, I didn't always get that. There was a distinct phase in my life when I just couldn't fathom why on earth people would botox their faces up like that. They ended up looking like monkeys with serious face water retention problems, I thought. But now, at some vague level, I get what those women were going through. This means
- I must be growing up. Sigh.
- I am still not vouching for botox or implants. I'm not saying i'll ever get something done. (I probably won't. Needles and surgery terrify me.)

But there are the categories. And while we are still victims of fate, we simply can't control our knee cap skin, our nose angles and our hair type. We can't be accountable for whether we have combination skin or yucky feet. We can't be blamed for not having pimple free skin or the perfect pout. Women the world over look at fashion magazines and only go.."man, what I'd give for those (you fill in the blanks)".But hey, a girl crush is reserved for a whole new post.

And once women accept that they are victims of fate and fate only, they get annoyed. Why must we be subject to the theory of selection, they ask. So fate doesn't give them what they want..but then...life can. They make their moolah and suddenly..the face they've always wanted, the hair they've always longed for..is only a lot of $$$$ away. But hey, this is what they've always wanted. You can't really blame them for trying to earn what life denied them in the first place, can you?

People say, women should accept themseleves for who they really are. I say, its a nice, sensible theory. In practice..even the most stunning women find flaws in themselves. Its human tendency. Even the most stunning woman feels ugly and gross and unattractive and wants to change several things about herself. No philosophy can replace that feeling.

Then again, women go ridiculously overboard. The general argument that their original lips or chest or nose looked better and seemed better holds, to a certain extent. We're born to look a certain way for a certain reason. It's weird..my neighbour looks great with straight hair, but I felt like her personality was so much more in tune with her funky, curly hair. It's hard to explain. People botox themselves so badly that you simply can't look at them anymore. So how much is too much? Can the woman psyche figure that out for herself? Will her self esteem be able to draw the line? Is the natural look the way to go? What stands the test of time?

Only time will tell. For each woman, that is. And while that's yet to come, over the years I've come to terms with the fact that how a woman looks ends up being a huge part of how she feels. There's just something about a great haircut or a new look or a good hair day..it puts a very animated spring in your step. And while this co-relation exists, women the world over will continue to invest heavily in themselves.

I concur, but spare me the diamond encrusted facial and lets stick to the basics for now, shall we?